Posted by coral on February 9, 2004, at 7:07:39
In reply to Excellent meandering » coral, posted by Racer on February 8, 2004, at 23:32:40
Dear Racer,
"By every measure you can find, I have less value than he does. That's absolutely true." I patentedly disagree, (within all bounds of civility.) If you want to examine external valuations, I think of your kindness to horses (as a sister equestrian, I know the patience and goodness of heart managing TB's requires - my favorite breed.) That's just one point of many of your worth. Yet, I do understand the sense of pervasive worthlessness that accompanies depression. I went through it and knew I had no value to contribute. Even now, several years post Major Depression, when I'm not functioning as highly as I feel I should be, those old cellar demons start creeping around.Your comment about the 2x4 struck home. In an earlier post on another thread, I told about losing it w/WH. Now, a few days later, I can truly believe that my WH should've realized what the stress was doing to me, but it took a 2x4 to get his attention. For me, it's like an on/off switch. Everything's fine, fine, fine (or so I portray), then, BAM. He's caught off guard. Maybe (think???) I need an anger reostat?
My heart goes out to you for those very hurtful things he said (shy/sharp)... good description, but they STILL hurt.
As far as the expresso machine goes, if he's the only one who drinks it, wellllllllllll, perhaps he should be responsible for it? I think you handled it extremely well. Here's a blue ribbon for your anger expression!
"The problem is, I am worth something." YES, you are, and I don't see that as problem. This may be more of a healthy milestone than you realize.
Thanks for the warm thoughts re: my family situation. I've always said Norman Rockwell was a sadist.
Hugs,
Cousin Coral
poster:coral
thread:311056
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/2000/20031122/msgs/311170.html