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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 83 to 107 of 233. Go back in thread:
Posted by LynneDa on December 16, 2003, at 15:19:29
In reply to Re: Saturday, posted by geri122 on December 16, 2003, at 14:52:28
Feeling unimportant and not knowing who you are and how you fit into the family and your world - that is common to us all - and you should try to write about it :-). I know it is especially hard right now since you're in between being a kid and an adult! And you also have the whole hormone thing to contend with - that affects your emotional and physical health tremendously.
But, sweetie, be relieved by the fact that knowing who you are is a life-long journey - it's not a destination! Try to take each situation as it comes along - think it through and decide who you are and what you believe for that moment in time. You don't have to have all the answers just yet. You are still collecting experiences and in the building stage!!
I'm sorry to hear he blames you for so many things. That is emotional abuse and it is just as real as physical abuse. I always considered myself a strong person, but my ex-husband was very emotionally abusive and it finally tore me down to a nub. I felt stupid telling my friends I wanted to leave him. He didn't hit me or run around on me and he was always kind to me except when he was depressed, angry, manic or drinking too much!
Are you the stronger between you and your twin? I guess you can't talk to her about this or you would have already mentioned it. People actually have a tendency to pick on people who are strong in some ways because strength can come across as defiance and defiance is seen as provoking - even when the defiance came as a result of your Dad's behavior and not vice versa.
I hate to suggest this cuz it is not healthy, but you almost have to learn to walk on eggshells around him, so to speak. But, be aware you are doing it and since it is a CHOICE you will make, maybe it will give you some feeling of control.
It's hard growing up. Your Dad is human and it's doubtful he knows how much his behavior and lack of caring, or even bad manners toward you, is harming you. Where does your Mom weigh in on all of this?
Posted by geri122 on December 16, 2003, at 16:58:51
In reply to Re: Saturday, posted by LynneDa on December 16, 2003, at 15:19:29
i am the stonger one, i guess i have always been. but i doesn;t make it right. you know. i know i have a lot to deal with, i am just glad i can come here and vent about it
Posted by LynneDa on December 17, 2003, at 11:12:25
In reply to Re: Saturday, posted by geri122 on December 16, 2003, at 16:58:51
Hi! Hope you had a good Wednesday. You're right - just because you are the stronger one doesn't make it right to be treated worse! I guess in some way knowing the reasons things happen - whether they're rational or not - helps me to understand the situation and maybe come up with a solution.
If you could make 3 realistic, concrete changes in your life, what would they be? Think specifically, not in general ("I'd like to change my relationship with my Dad" is specific vs. "I want to be happy" which is too general.)
For your holiday break, I know you don't want to hang around the house! What type of freedom do you have - use of a car? Are you into volunteer work - nursing home, YMCA children's programs, etc? They always need extra help during the holidays when schools are closed and more kids need day care. Do you have any friends who you can just go to their house and hang out? You may not feel like you're close enough to anyone to "impose", but maybe give it a try and ask! Every day that you can have a planned activity will be one less day you have to stress over!
Take care!
~ Lynne
Posted by geri122 on December 22, 2003, at 14:45:44
In reply to Re: Saturday, posted by LynneDa on December 17, 2003, at 11:12:25
it is hard, hard to wake up and know that you are nothing. worthless. Its really hard toknow that ur own family doesn't appreciate everything you do. Its hard to want to have an excuzz like abuse to hate him. He never hit me, never once, but sometimes it feels like at least then i would have a reason. Its hard to think that no one cares, and those who do are through a computer. Its hard because im afraid to get help.
Do you wanna know somthing. My friend, the one that i talk to about EVERYTHING, is also depressed. Its is hard but yet it easier. She knows how i feel and she tryes to help. Sometimes i hold back, i don't want to put more pain or confusion upon her. She told me that she felt the same, but wants me to tell her cuz it makes her feel good when she helps me.
Its hard. sometimes you get tired of runnin, tired of being somebody your not. u wake up and have to pretenmd you are happy, and sometimes u just can't. You don't want to answer the questions, but you don't want to lie. Everythings a mess and i don't want to deal with it
Posted by LynneDa on December 22, 2003, at 16:19:12
In reply to Re: Saturday, posted by geri122 on December 22, 2003, at 14:45:44
Geri - You are NOT worthless! You just happen to live with people who are self-occupied, poor communicators and probably unsure how to handle a teen-ager! I know that doesn't make it better, but try not to let the faults and weaknesses of others reflect on how you feel about YOU. You are a wonderful person - sensitive, caring compassionate, expressive and kind.
I completely understand that you are exhausted and tired of dealing with the whole thing. So, don't deal with it. Just live your life. What if you didn't pretend? What if you were just you - the way you actually feel? I don't mean be rude or beligerent, but don't worry so much about the image you're presenting. It's a huge thought, to take a step or 2 out of your established circle and role in the family or with friends, I know. But it would certainly take the pressure off of you if you could do it. Even for a day, or just an hour!
I am glad your friend confided in you about her depression too. That's got to be a big relief, not to be so alone! It does take some mental energy to listen to others' problems, but if it's a sharing session, then don't be so worried about her ability to listen to your sadness. You don't need to take responsibility for her emotional load - that is for her to decide!! If you can learn to let go of a little of that worry, you'll be waaaaaayyyy ahead of me and save yourself years of therapy and probably save you from choosing the wrong man!!!
What kinds of questions are you referring to at the end of your post that you don't want to answer but you don't want to lie? Just the general, "what's wrong?" or "how are you doing?"
What you're living through right now is so hard, but you will get through it, it's just going to take more time. You are in the first stage - before getting help - which is the hardest. Please, please consider talking to a doctor, friend's parent, teacher, any older person you know (older sibling of a friend)etc. You don't have to dump the whole load on him or her. Just waving a red flag or 2 could help alert someone you're hurting.
Hang in there sweetie, you are worth it and I want you to look yourself in the mirror every morning and night and tell yourself "I am worth it!" Sounds corny & it is very hard to do, but you've got to replace some of the negative self-talk and negative vibes you feel coming at you with something positive. It really will help you after a while of doing it :-)
~ Lynne
Posted by sfmom on December 23, 2003, at 0:41:34
In reply to Re: Saturday, posted by LynneDa on December 22, 2003, at 16:19:12
Geri,
I couldn't agree with Lynne more. One, I know for a fact that you are NOT worthless. I know that you are a sensitive, caring and intellegent young woman, and I know that without ever having laid eyes on you. And two, what is the worst that could happen if you stopped pretending? Okay, your dad may think that you are "faking," and quite honestly, so what? Would that be any worse than the relationship you have with him now? I know that it's difficult to admit your frailties and fears to other people. And your dad may not be ready to hear them. But I am glad that you are talking to your friend. Are you able to help each other? I know what she means about feeling good to be able to provide support to the people you care about. Hey, why do you think I check my e-mail every day??? It's because we care about you and have been through what you are going through and know how hard it is and wish we had people to provide some support to us.I wish I could write more to you tonight, but I really have to go to sleep now. Please keep us up to date about what you're doing and how we can help. If you ever need to talk, just ask and I'll e-mail you my phone number. (I don't really want to post my home number on the internet.) Also feel free to call Lynne if you need to. No strings attached, we just want to help you get through this.
Good night, sweet dreams, God bless, you are loved.
Lyssa
Posted by geri122 on December 24, 2003, at 10:13:01
In reply to Re: Saturday, posted by LynneDa on December 22, 2003, at 16:19:12
"I am worth it".. i am, when i say i don't want to answer but i don't want to lie, i mean, People ask me whats wrong, i could say nothing and lie. But i do want to tell you know.. its hard and yes i have said this before, but sometimes i find it easier to deal with it when i keep repeating myself. Yes it is great that i have my friend to turn to, i acually might have her come here, she might find it easier to talk them me. To be honest i do. I love her and everything, she is my best friend, and i will plan on telling her, think of what i am going to say the night before just so i don't choke, but then when that day comes it never works. YOu know what you want to say, but the hardest part is saying it. I find myself writing letters and then not giving them to her. I am getting there that i can admitt. Slowly but surely wins the race right!
Posted by LynneDa on December 24, 2003, at 10:31:41
In reply to Re: Saturday, posted by geri122 on December 24, 2003, at 10:13:01
You're doing great, sweetie! Just keep pushing in the right direction. Slow but steady is just fine. Writing letters is the best way for you, it seems. I love email and writing cuz you can think about what you want to say and change it many times before printing it out or sending it. My husband and I even do that when emotions are too high and we know talking will just lead to an unproductive argument! Definitely, having your friend help you talk to your parents or anyone else is a plus. It'll help you stay on track in the conversation, keep you calm and lend credibility to what you have to say.
What are you doing for Christmas tomorrow? I'm at work now, but will be off til January 5 so won't be posting much. I will check in a few times however. I'll be curious to hear how you're doing! Try to plan activities and stick to them if you can. Being depressed and sad doesn't give you much energy, so you may have to force yourself to do things that you know will get you out of the house at least once a day!
I wish I could do more for you . . . never doubt that you will get through this. The valuable lessons are learned from the hard times more than the good. I truly believe that there's a plan for each of us and there's a lesson we're supposed to learn from everything we go through, hard as it is to see sometimes. What you're going through now will make you more insightful, stong and compassionate in the future. Just don't ever give up or give in!
I wish you a Merry Christmas with peace, joy and love! Take care Geri!
~ Lynne
Posted by geri122 on December 27, 2003, at 9:40:54
In reply to Re: Saturday, posted by LynneDa on December 24, 2003, at 10:31:41
My christmas... well lets just say it was not a merry one. I fell so selfish, but yet knowing that doesn't change the way i feel. Every year, like any child would, they would await the day were they can get up early and open gifts from "Santa". We are all adults here, or at least old enough to know that santa is now real. Sometimes i wish he was. Every year on christmas morning, i go downstairs and open the gifts. And every year i find my self disappointed. I know that christmas is not all about gifts, but it is part of it. Well i got one thing from my christmas list (thats it). I was ok with that, well then i tryed to work it and it didn't work. The one gift that i wanted and go did not work. I delt with it, didn't show how i was feeling because i didn't want my dad to yell and call me selfish or ungratful.
The next day, 12-26, i went to the mall with ny sister and friend. She went with 400 dollars, i wasn't even close. SHe recieved so much for christmas, she had the christmas i always wanted, but will never get. Yeah well, i wasn't having fun at the mall all i wanted to do was go off an be by myself, i didn't want to deal with it, i felt so frustrtaed and confused i felt like i was breaking down, and i really didn't know why.
It has been a really hard year, all i wanted was for somthing good to happen to me. did it.. No. I know that no one lives are perfect, i can deal with that. But why do i find myself want to switch lives with someone all the time. THeir lives seem so much easier then mine, so much better!
Posted by fallsfall on December 27, 2003, at 18:53:02
In reply to Re: Saturday, posted by geri122 on December 27, 2003, at 9:40:54
Hi Geri,
I know how Christmas can be disappointing. Even sometimes when we don't think that we are expecting too much. It sounds like you did a really good job of trying to put things into perspective (realizing that you DID get one thing you really wanted, realizing that it shouldn't be a crisis that it didn't work). Those are hard things to do.
When I am feeling depressed I find that when things go OK I don't feel very good, and when things to less than OK, I feel really awful. So everything FEELS worse to me than it (objectively) is. I'm sure that some of what you are feeling is that things look darker to you through your depression glasses. Knowing that doesn't necessarily make anything feel better, but it can help you to make it through the time without selfdestructing as much.
I can understand that you didn't want to spend time with your sister and friend - Their view of the world is different (sunnier) than yours, and that really doesn't seem fair. I think that being alone TO SOME DEGREE can help - it can let you sort things out in your own mind, it can keep things from getting so overwhelming because you have more control over what stimulation you are receiving, it can let you relax. But it is really dangerous for me to be alone TOO MUCH. Being with other people forces me to see that other people do care about me, it forces me to recognize that other's lives look better than mine - that gives me some hope that mine can get better, too, it forces me to put a smile on and not wallow in my sorrow so much. I guess I'm trying to say that there is a balance somewhere between being with people too much and not enough. If you are doing a lot of one and you aren't feeling any better - maybe you should try a little of the other.
Holidays are full of stress. There are so many expectations and so many responsibilities and so many unusual activities. Try to be good to yourself a little - do things that you want to do. Take a bubble bath, or go sledding, or listen to music that calms you. See if you can get back to a more "normal" routine (which is hard during vacation...).
Personally, I'm just glad Christmas is over. New Years isn't a big holiday for me, so now I can wind down and get ready to go on with the rest of my life. Phew!
I'm sorry your Christmas wasn't wonderful. Sometimes (too much of the time?) they aren't. But maybe your December 28th can be better than your December 27th was, and you can go on from there.
(((((Geri)))))
Posted by geri122 on December 29, 2003, at 12:09:39
In reply to Re: Saturday » geri122, posted by fallsfall on December 27, 2003, at 18:53:02
i am extremly happy that christmas is over, but even still, i feel more emotional then ever. I don't know what is wrong with me, i can't explain it.
My emotions against my father get stronger and stronger, and they aren't good ones. I ahet it, i just i don't want to deal with it anymore. i will never tell me father how i feel, becaues that would also mean i would have to explain how i feel about him. He is always yelling, always telling people what they did was wrong, he is always fighting with my mom, she deserves so much better, so much more. I try to picture what life would be like if he was not around, i don't want to. I want everything to be ok, i don't want to have these thoughts anymore. i want it all to stop!
Posted by LynneDa on December 29, 2003, at 14:12:38
In reply to Re: Saturday, posted by geri122 on December 29, 2003, at 12:09:39
Geri, I understand! What you're going through on the inside is being made worse by what's happening on the outside with your Dad. It's okay to hate your Dad's behaviors and be angry with them. You have 2 challenges before you: one is to try to get your emotions/hormones under control so you can deal with life better and the second is to learn coping mechanisms to deal with your home environment. Counseling can really help with both, sweetie!
I'm glad you see that your Mom deserves better. Maybe you will grow to be a stronger woman and not become attracted to a man who is as angry and negative as your Dad sounds. I'm sure there are reasons that he developed into the person that he is and he maybe isn't the introspective type who will look inside himself and around him to see the damage he's causing . . . and then do something about it. You can't change him, you can only change the way you react. Trite, I know, but it's the truth!
I really urge you to try and talk to someone about your situation. It will make you feel less desperate.
What about your Mom? Maybe you feel she is not in a good position to talk to you about the issues in your family, but maybe it will strengthen her in some way to know you recognize it and want to do something about it, a united front so to speak? It may seem insurmountable to take on your Dad, but it may not be. I know you don't like conflict, but it may be worth bringing it up to your Mom some time.
I'm glad to hear you got through Christmas, although it was disappointing. Hang in there and here's hoping 2004 will be much better and healthier for you!!!!
~ Lynne
Posted by fallsfall on December 29, 2003, at 16:38:42
In reply to Re: Saturday, posted by geri122 on December 29, 2003, at 12:09:39
"I want everything to be ok, i don't want to have these thoughts anymore. i want it all to stop!"
Hi Geri,
If you really want it all to stop, then I think you are going to have to get some help. You have been dealing with this for a long time - 2 months on this board. It's clearly not going to get better by itself. Please understand that getting help is a GOOD thing. That it means that you are taking care of yourself. Don't let anyone ever tell you that getting help is not a good thing.
You have a couple of choices of how to get the help you need. But before we go into that, you need to decide that you do WANT help. I know that you want the problem to go away, but that is different from wanting help with it. If you get help, then you will still have to work very hard to deal with things and understand things and change things. But you won't be doing it alone. You will have somebody who understands your needs and who is on YOUR side. For me, having someone on my side makes doing hard things much easier.
Can you imagine that there could be someone who really wanted to help you? Who listened and asked questions until they really understood what your problems were? Who could help you think of solutions that would work for you, and who could understand that if you said a particular solution wouldn't work in your case that you did know what you were talking about? People like this really exist. You can get in touch with someone who can understand and help.
Are you ready to find some help? Your problems are not going to disappear on their own. Please let someone help you.
Like I said, there are a number of different ways that you can go about getting help. Once you have decided that you need some help, we can talk about what some of them are, until we can find one that is comfortable for you.
Hoping to hear from you soon!
Posted by geri122 on December 30, 2003, at 12:52:20
In reply to Re: Saturday, posted by LynneDa on December 29, 2003, at 14:12:38
I fight to hold back tears. I fight to stay strong. I know that i need to turn to someone. but i can't right now. Im a jr in hischool, ui only have one more year befoer i move out, if i can just deal with it on my own, so i don't have to tell them, it would be nice. I don't want more problems. I can't bring them in, there is no way. If things were different, i would, i really would, because more then anything i want help, but i can't, there is no way around it.
Its just so hard, to hide my tears in my pillow, to not be able to express it. sometimes i sit in my bed praying that it would be a dream, a nightmare. im going to wake up, it will be all over. Why can't it be a dream?
Posted by fallsfall on December 30, 2003, at 14:57:38
In reply to Re: Saturday, posted by geri122 on December 30, 2003, at 12:52:20
Geri,
What exactly is your fear of getting help? What do you think would happen?
Posted by geri122 on December 30, 2003, at 15:35:08
In reply to Re: Saturday » geri122, posted by fallsfall on December 30, 2003, at 14:57:38
i can't really explain it. I just don't think you really understand. but then again, that is how i feel about everyone. My life, well lets just say its an act. Its my life. I can't change in day, and yes its several months, but this is a step for me. WHat am i afraid of. My family not understanding, they won;t i know it. I have tried and it didn't work, if i don't truth them with little problems, how can i trust them with one like this. If i tell them, i would have to explain everything, all the way up to my feelings against my dad. No matter the emotions i have against him, he is the only father i have, i don't want to make things any worse then what they are. no controversay, nothing. It would only cause more problems.
Posted by fallsfall on December 30, 2003, at 15:42:55
In reply to Re: Saturday, posted by geri122 on December 30, 2003, at 15:35:08
You are right, I don't quite understand - but I really do want to.
You seem really adamant about not talking to your parents at all. So let's take that as a given for now. Let's assume that whatever you do, it can't involve telling your parents that you are depressed, and certainly not telling them WHY you are depressed.
So, if you could get some help without talking to them or having them find out at all, would you be more interested in getting help?
Posted by Bubbaleh on December 31, 2003, at 8:38:50
In reply to Re: Saturday » geri122, posted by fallsfall on December 30, 2003, at 15:42:55
Geri, you say that you can wait to solve your problem till you graduate from high school and can move out. If you are a junior in high school, you have almost a year and a half of pain in front of you at home. And, sad to say, problems that develop in our families-of-origin often follow us into the world even after we move out. You might very well stay depressed even when your dad is not around! :( What I am saying is, maybe seeing a professional now rather than later could save you years of pain. As someone else has implied, you could do it in secret--tell your parents you are going to a friend's, which will be true because the professional will be your friend. Many professionals are willing to treat people at reduced rates, if necessary.
Please do not think we are talking down to you by suggesting you see a professional. I for one see a doctor and a therapist, and my life is better for it!
Good luck, Geri!! We are concerned for you.
Posted by geri122 on December 31, 2003, at 10:14:20
In reply to Re: Saturday » geri122, posted by fallsfall on December 30, 2003, at 15:42:55
there is always that possibilty yes, but i haven't been completely honest with you. Having my parents know is the biggest reason. You see, lately there have bbeen many shows on about deppression. In these shows there is medication involved and what they can do. What if just talking doesn't help, what if i have to go on medication, what if i get the side affects. This will stick with me for the rest of my life. People who don't understand will think less of me. The truth is... yes i am terrified of my family. Yes i don't want them to know. but i could run from that, hide from it, they are only 3 people. but the world, the would is much bigger.
Posted by Bubbaleh on December 31, 2003, at 14:55:05
In reply to death, posted by geri122 on November 26, 2003, at 15:09:47
Geri, medication is a secret between you, your doctor, and your pharmacist. If you want, you can always leave the room before taking your pill. Or, you can tell people it is a vitamin pill. Although you may not need a pill, if you do, it is not such bad news. A whole lot of people take anti-depressants nowadays. Probably some people you know in your daily life take them, it's just you don't know because they keep it to themselves.
Did I understand why you don't want to take anti-depressants? If not, please let me know!
Posted by fallsfall on December 31, 2003, at 15:51:17
In reply to Re: Saturday, posted by geri122 on December 31, 2003, at 10:14:20
(This is really long. I'm sorry. If you don't want to read a long post, let me know and I'll try to summarize it. I want you to be able to feel better.)
Boy do I understand not wanting the world to know you are depressed.
The first time my doctor said anything about depression was in October or November (many years ago). I had a lot of back pain, and he had tried everything - medication, heat/ice, physical therapy. Finally he ran one more test and said that if it came back negative that we were going to need to talk about depression. The test was negative, but I didn't go back to talk to him because I was terrified. For many of the same reasons you are.
Then in January, my best friend confronted me and told me that something was wrong with me, and that I was driving her crazy. I put 2 and 2 together and knew that I was depressed. I was scared to go talk to my doctor, but I knew that I would have a problem with my friend, and that ignoring it hadn't made it better - it was getting worse.
So I made an appointment with my doctor and told him I thought I was depressed. He agreed and referred me to a therapist. I'm really glad I did that. But it was really hard to do. I DO understand that part.
What the world thinks about depression. Well, it isn't the best thing to have, but it really is getting more and more common. I don't tell everyone, but I tell most people if it comes up. Almost all of them have a close friend or relative who is depressed or has been recently - it is amazing. I keep trying to find people who AREN"T depressed. Every time I make a new friend and think they are "normal" I find out that they have some mental illness. There are people who don't understand and think it means that you are lazy. But I find that most people really are compassionate - and honestly ask if there is something they can do to help. But - you don't HAVE to tell anyone you don't want to. Lots of people keep it a secret (which is why there are more people who have depression than you think!). Letting other people know about my depression hasn't hurt me at all.
What do you think would happen if people did find out? What would happen if your friends found out? Do you think it would affect you at school? At work when you are older? I'm not sure what you think would happen.
I didn't want to tell my boss when I was working because I didn't want him to avoid giving me hard assignments, thinking I wasn't strong enough to handle them. Eventually I did tell him, and he tried to work with me to figure out how I could do stuff at work without getting too stressed. He really was wonderful.
Some people are jerks. But maybe you don't want to have much to do with them anyway.
Drugs. You CAN refuse to take medication. My sister has refused medication for years. That is a choice that YOU can make.
Side effects. The side effects that you hear about are POSSIBLE with the medication. That doesn't mean that YOU would get all or any of them. Most of the time it is less than 10% of the people who take the med who get a particular side effect (there are exceptions where more people get a side effect, but a lot of the ones you hear about don't happen to 90% of the people who take the meds). So, please don't think that you WOULD definately get all of these awful side effects. Some of them aren't as awful as they sound - and for some of them there are things that you can do to make the side effect go away. For instance, I get dry mouth. That means that it feels like I have cotton in my mouth sometimes and it makes it hard to talk. So I carry a bottle of water with me wherever I go (that isn't such a bad idea anyway...). If it gets really bad, then I eat something and that makes it better. It can be annoying, but it isn't as annoying as being depressed. If you DID get a side effect that you couldn't stand (one med made me start losing my hair - that was unacceptable to me) then you can stop taking that med. 99% of the side effects go away when you stop taking the med. My doctor is always very careful to tell me about side effects that DON'T go away when I stop the med. And then I decide if I am willing to take that risk (sometimes there are warning signs, and if you stop right away it isn't a big problem).
So if your doctor recommended meds, and if you decided to take them, you could also decide to stop taking them (just talk to your doctor about whether you would need to cut back gradually, or if you could just stop taking them).
What side effects scare you the most? Many times a doctor will choose one med over another because of the side effects of each med. So if you couldn't stand hair loss, then they could be sure not to give you a med that has that for a side effect.
Assuming that you are depressed now (and I think it is pretty likely), you could go to therapy or counselling and see if it helped. You could even just talk to the counselor at your school - during school hours, and that way your parents wouldn't know. Your counselor at school could make a better assessment than I can over the internet and help you understand what your choices were from there. Maybe just talking to her would be enough. Maybe not. Depressions often go away by themselves after 6 months or so (but 6 months is a long time to be miserable). But sometimes they come back - and I have found that the things that I have learned in therapy help me to make it so that when the depression does come back (unfortunately, mine does) I can recognize it faster and keep it from getting too bad.
Depression can be a life long illness, but for most people it is not ALL of the time, and for most people it is very treatable with therapy or meds or a combination. And for lots of people, it isn't something they fight all the time - maybe just once, or a couple of times in their life. I do believe that you have a better chance of having it not affect you as much of the time if you treat it. If you can keep it from getting really bad, then you aren't as likely to have it come back as much. That's what I've heard.
Your fears are very understandable, but I think that if you had a little more information, then you might not be as scared. Let me know what else worries you, and I'll try to let you know whether you should be worried. Some of your worries are valid - some people will think less of you, meds do have side effects. So let's talk about the things that worry you.
Posted by Bubbaleh on January 2, 2004, at 6:29:58
In reply to Re: Saturday » geri122, posted by fallsfall on December 31, 2003, at 15:51:17
Hi, Geri122,
I am really wondering what you are thinking about now, after receiving posts from me and Fallsfall. You are in my thoughts. Please let me know what is on your mind.
Hope your New Year's Day wasn't too bad.
Take care,
Bubbaleh
Posted by geri122 on January 2, 2004, at 8:50:32
In reply to Re: Saturday » fallsfall, posted by Bubbaleh on January 2, 2004, at 6:29:58
i will go see a doctor, just not yet, i am not ready yet. i mean i think that i can handel it right now. When, and if i gets to the point then i will be there but right now i need to deal with it. It acually makes me feel stronger to deal with it on my own. When i do overcome those mixed emotiond i can say I did that, i over came that. Yes i know you can do that when you have help, but i am just not ready.
I have these moments, where nothing seems right, all i want to do is crawl into a hole, but look im in that hole, i am still an exictance in the world.
It is a struggle, and it does get hard... and i am afraid, terrified acually. This is all not something i just woke up on. I ahve researched, read books and got first hand information. I know someone that is deppressed. We don't talk much, but she is my age and she told me everything that she goes through. My school, well there aren;t the most understanding people there. We are in high school, rumors and true facts get around quickly. I would go to a doctor, but my parents can't find out and they are always on my case. They must know where i am at all time. I know that that is out of love, but at 16 i can't do anything for myself by myself.
It is hard, but i know that someday i will be able to look in the mirror and say im ok.
Posted by LynneDa on January 2, 2004, at 10:23:02
In reply to Re: Saturday, posted by geri122 on January 2, 2004, at 8:50:32
Hi Geri - Happy New Year! I hope a lot of good things happen for you this year!
It sounds like you have a pretty good handle on what your options are and what your present state of mind is right now. I know you are caught between a rock and a hard place in terms of getting help. You are right that there is a huge stigma against mental illness in general, but you can keep it to yourself!
The problem is, everyone thinks it can't happen to them and they are afraid to talk about it if it hasn't - they don't want to be reminded of the possibility. But, as Fallsfall says, there are more people who are depressed and getting treatment than you could imagine! When I first recognized I needed help, I talked to my boss and she was so relieved for me cuz she knew something was wrong with me. She'd been thru a bout with it, as had 3 of my co-workers and the wives of 2 of the guys in my department.
Anyway, you have to take things at your own pace. We can keep urging you to go to your doctor and let the cards fall where they may. We can tell you that people are much kinder than you can imagine and the one's who aren't . . . who needs them! We can try to allay your fears about meds or counseling. But, bottom line is you have to make the choices when you are ready and I respect that. Just know that whichever you choose, you can always talk to us about it.
Keep in mind that, like Fallsfall alluded to, depression, and any mental illness, is progressive - that means it can get worse without treatment. It snowballs from an emotional and physiological sense. But, due to our hormones, it can come and go too!
The best I can do for you now is to help you thru situations. If you have a run-in with your Dad, we can talk about it and help you with some coping skills and maybe give you a way to look at it differently so it doesn't hurt quite as much.
Keep talking to your friend who opened up about her depression. That should help you. I really do think if you see a doctor and he/she diagnoses you with depression or even PMDD (pre-menstrual dysphoric disorder or really, really bad PMS), that will legitimize it for your parents. You have to weigh that feeling of being in a dark hole you can't climb out of versus the storm that you fear may be unleashed if your parents know.
I'm sorry you are caught in such a difficult spot! Just think, you are learning what kinds of things you will and won't do when you are a parent!
Take care sweetie and write when you need to!!
~ Lynne
Posted by geri122 on January 7, 2004, at 17:11:33
In reply to Re: Saturday, posted by LynneDa on January 2, 2004, at 10:23:02
i know that you are here for me and that is the main reason why i cope with this the way i do. Before i started posting here things were worse. I didn't have anyone that could relate. THe problem is this emotions are starting to affect my reltaions with people. You see i like this boy but i am afraid that he won't understand and get scared and leave. We have been friends for a little and i know that he has feeling for me.. it kind of scares me. I don't, i just find how i feel getting in the way with my life. Drawing back... not livin life, not really wanting! but i am here
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