![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 20 of 20. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by kara lynne on September 10, 2003, at 14:05:36
Yesterday I went to therapy and left feeling worse about myself. He kept saying my 'resistance' was up, and that we would get nowhere if I didn't trust him. Specifically when the subject of sex came up. I was feeling deeply depressed and told him I woke up wanting to die--I think there were other things that could have been addressed even though the subject of sex came up (talking about thwarted physical energy, why I'm feeling so sick, etc.etc.). I told him his style felt interrogative to me and it wasn't helping me to talk more. He said what are you here for, you've got to trust me to do the work, yadda yadda.
Well I left and realized what the problem is. I need to feel cared for by him. I've only known him a short while and I can't just launch into intimate details with him without that. I feel like a therapist should be bringing me out more, rather than making me feel more twisted up. Not that it's completely up to the therapist, but that there is a supportive chemistry between us.
I guess this is a kind of therapy that focuses more on 'the work' than the relationship, and maybe I just can't do it. I just realized yesterday how important it is for me to feel appreciated and cared for to feel safe enough to talk.
Is that so bad? Thanks for listening.
Posted by fallsfall on September 10, 2003, at 15:25:46
In reply to Do I need my therapist to love me?, posted by kara lynne on September 10, 2003, at 14:05:36
Hey Kara,
I think that you are understanding it pretty well. You do have to have some relationship before you can get into more difficult stuff. It is just too scary to talk about vulnerabilities when you don't know how the other person will react. I found, when I started with my new therapist, that I could accelerate what I was willing to talk about a little because he was a therapist, and that is his job. I guess that I would expect a therapist to protect me more than I would a man on the street. I guess it let me push ahead a little faster because it's almost like I will trust him until he gives me cause not to trust him. I don't know if that makes sense.
Do you have general trust issues with people? If you do that might be the first thing to talk about.
Do you know what kind of therapy he does (forgive me if I asked before...)? And what did your previous therapist do? I have found that the two kinds of therapy that my first and second therapist do are incredibly different. It may be that you need a different kind of therapy (or that you prefer a different kind). Or it may be that you just aren't used to this guy's style. Even therapies that focus more on the work than the relationship need a solid relationship, and the therapist should be willing to cultivate the relationship.
I don't know if my new guy cares for me now. I do know that I can tell him specifically what I need and he is able to meet that need. It's like I don't quite understand the day to day stuff, what we are doing, how it works, but I am willing to be patient because I know that if I need him that he will be there and he will take care of me. At the same time, I'm trying to avoid the strong dependency that I had on my old therapist, so I may be more tolerant of "lack of warmth" than I would be under other circumstances.
In any event, if you are not comfortable - since you are not comfortable with the relationship, you should certainly bring it up and talk about it. Talk about caring and trust, and what makes you feel comfortable when you need to open up.
How many sessions have you had? How many years has this guy been doing therapy?
You are thinking about all the right things.
Posted by Adia on September 10, 2003, at 22:32:46
In reply to Do I need my therapist to love me?, posted by kara lynne on September 10, 2003, at 14:05:36
Kara Lynne,
Hi...I too feel you are understanding things very well...and that in order to feel safe enough to talk you have to feel cared for and safe in the relationship with your therapist.
I am struggling with trust issues and I find it extremely hard to open up and talk even though I have worked in the relationship with my therapist and I feel cared for and accepted by her..but I can't imagine I could talk about what's happening inside my heart or intimate things without feeling trust, warmth, and without feeling my therapist cares about me and what I tell her/him..
I am not the best person to give advice about this because I am struggling to open my heart and I find it so hard, but I wanted to share my feelings about it...and just let you know I understand..
I feel that the relationship is essential...and to be able to open up you need to feel trust and to have a solid relationship with your therapist..
It takes time to build trust...
I think you should try to tell him that you are not ready yet to talk or open up like that, that you need to feel certain things in order to feel safe to talk..
I have trouble opening up, but if I didn't feel cared by my therapist or I didn't feel warmth between us I wouldn't even try or I wouldn't feel safe at all to share my feelings...I do need her to love me...if I can't feel that then I feel the rest will never work.
I hope you can discuss this with your therapist and tell him how you're feeling and how you need to work on trust and feel safer with him before working on deeper issues..?I wish you the best..
lots of support,
Adia.
> Yesterday I went to therapy and left feeling worse about myself. He kept saying my 'resistance' was up, and that we would get nowhere if I didn't trust him. Specifically when the subject of sex came up. I was feeling deeply depressed and told him I woke up wanting to die--I think there were other things that could have been addressed even though the subject of sex came up (talking about thwarted physical energy, why I'm feeling so sick, etc.etc.). I told him his style felt interrogative to me and it wasn't helping me to talk more. He said what are you here for, you've got to trust me to do the work, yadda yadda.
>
> Well I left and realized what the problem is. I need to feel cared for by him. I've only known him a short while and I can't just launch into intimate details with him without that. I feel like a therapist should be bringing me out more, rather than making me feel more twisted up. Not that it's completely up to the therapist, but that there is a supportive chemistry between us.
>
> I guess this is a kind of therapy that focuses more on 'the work' than the relationship, and maybe I just can't do it. I just realized yesterday how important it is for me to feel appreciated and cared for to feel safe enough to talk.
>
> Is that so bad? Thanks for listening.
Posted by kara lynne on September 11, 2003, at 1:22:08
In reply to Re: Do I need my therapist to love me? » kara lynne, posted by fallsfall on September 10, 2003, at 15:25:46
Hello fallsfall,
Yesterday was my sixth session. I think he's a CBT therapist, I should know more but we really haven't discussed it. The doctor who recommended him says he typically sets a time frame up to get things done--3 or 6 months maybe. That sounded appealing in a certain sense, but I don't think it's going to do me any good if I don't feel a rapport. Although he seems to be helpful with practical step-taking (around employment, eg), he doesn't seem to explore the feeling aspect of things very much. For instance when I talk about my lack of confidence he just asks why I feel that way and doesn't have much to say about it. Just wants to know why I'm not doing what I should be to get my life together. Well if I knew that I wouldn't frigging be there.I am definitely going to bring it up next week. He came highly recommended by my pdoc and I think he's been in practice for many years--but that's another good question to ask him.
Thanks
Posted by Dinah on September 11, 2003, at 1:28:26
In reply to Do I need my therapist to love me?, posted by kara lynne on September 10, 2003, at 14:05:36
No, you probably don't need him to love you. My therapist doesn't love me, but he provides the stability and patience and acceptance that I need to trust.
From the beginning, it's been clear that this therapist is from a confrontive school of therapy. I imagine that works well on some people. Certainly I've seen case studies where beautifully executed confrontations turn a person's life around in just two or three sessions. :)
But the question is whether his style suits you. Because the best indicator for therapy outcome is the client's view of the therapeutic relationship. You've had a few sessions with him now. On general has his approach been helpful to you?
My therapist and I have had a few discussions lately on his theory of therapy and change. It's been illuminating. Perhaps if your therapist explains what he thinks his job is, it will clear things up quite a bit in your mind.
There are tons of therapists, with countless variations of theory and personality. Some of them may feel more comfortable. Some may feel more useful. The best ones for you would probably feel a fine mixture of both.
At any rate, it can't hurt to ask him, can it?
Posted by kara lynne on September 11, 2003, at 1:41:46
In reply to Re: Do I need my therapist to love me? » kara lynne, posted by Adia on September 10, 2003, at 22:32:46
Hi Adia,
Thank you for posting--I found your advice very helpful. See, if my therapist was that supportive I would feel much better!I am going to talk to him about this next week, but I'm afraid he's going to ask me what I want to do about it--meaning do I want to quit therapy with him. The truth is it's making me reconsider, and I might want to consult with a couple of more therapists to decide. But of course if he just lets me go I'm sure I'll feel rejected. I did tell him I wanted to work with him at our initial consultation, when he asked me if I wanted to look around more first. But now I'm not so sure.
At our last session I said it seemed we weren't going to get much accomplished because it felt like he was having to pull teeth, and I didn't feel much support from him. He asked if I wanted to end early. I didn't like that response--I don't want to pay money to have that be his suggestion when I'm frustrated. It finally dawned on me during the last five minutes that I did need to feel more cared for by him in order to open up but I didn't want to say it with no time left.
He's done things like give me possible job leads--well one--but something essential about the connection seems to be lacking for me. On the heels of coming out of such a bad relationship I really need that trust with men, and he knows that. He's said over and over that I have trust issues, but I guess I'm just magically supposed to get over them because he's confronted me about it.
Thank you Adia, for saying you do need your therapist to love you. I think I need my therapist to love me too. Fallsfall brings up a different aspect about not wanting to become so dependent after her last therapy experience. So as she says she's willing to forego some of the warmth I may be looking now. I guess we can all get different things in different situations. But you know how you're around certain people and you feel yourself able to *be* yourself more in their presence? I am feeling almost the opposite of that with him and I wonder if it's not my intuition telling me something important.
Thank you so much for your support.
Posted by kara lynne on September 11, 2003, at 1:53:30
In reply to Re: Do I need my therapist to love me? » kara lynne, posted by Dinah on September 11, 2003, at 1:28:26
Another thing I've been meaning to ask him--exactly what you're talking about. In fact I intended to talk about that yesterday, what kind of therapy he does specifically and how he can help me. I don't know what kind of vapor overcomes me when I walk through the door that I can't do it! Something between, 'Hello', and 'How are you?' seems to reduce me to tears and render me useless for the entire session.
So I've started a list and I'll have to tape it to my shirt or something next week, to ensure that I talk about it in front of him. I did ask him about his 'interrogative' style (which by the way he insisted was *not* interrogative), and said maybe that works well with other clients. He just dismissed it and said he didn't care (at that moment) about other clients. He said he was simply challenging me, and I was putting up a wall. Just wanted to focus on why I wouldn't simply open up with him, as I was ostensibly here to do 'the work'. In the last session I brought up my lifelong pattern of self-hatred and how nothing has ever seemed to touch that. He said maybe we could finally do that here. But I still haven't asked him how, I guess.
Thanks Dinah. How's Harry?
Posted by Dinah on September 11, 2003, at 10:04:14
In reply to Re: Do I need my therapist to love me? dinah, posted by kara lynne on September 11, 2003, at 1:53:30
Your therapist gives the oddest most sideways answers! I mean, what else were you doing than opening up? How much more open can you get than to question his therapy style and attempt to establish a working relationship between the two of you? Good heavens!!!
I have this picture in my mind of a ball of energy that likes to move move move, and accomplish accomplish accomplish. But that might be *my* transference because he sounds a heck of a lot like my old pdoc, who scared me to death.
Good luck at your next session. I hope you find something in your experience with him that helps you find a collaborative bond.
Posted by kara lynne on September 11, 2003, at 13:41:00
In reply to Re: Do I need my therapist to love me? dinah » kara lynne, posted by Dinah on September 11, 2003, at 10:04:14
The more I think about it the more I agree with you, so maybe we're having the same transference! I was thinking all last night and this morning and going to say the same thing--what about me wasn't opening up, except that I didn't want to get into one specific area?
Did you mean by asking him about his interrogating I was opening up? Please don't hesitate to tell me what you think even if you're worried about your transference issues influencing me. As you know, I have a tendency to stay in situations that are really not good for me way too long and I need the clarity.
Posted by Dinah on September 11, 2003, at 17:45:53
In reply to Re: Do I need my therapist to love me? dinah, posted by kara lynne on September 11, 2003, at 13:41:00
I meant that by being honest with him about what you were feeling in an attempt to build a relationship with him, you were being far more open than many people can ever be. And vulnerable too. Or at least that's my humble opinion. :)
Posted by noa on September 13, 2003, at 13:37:55
In reply to Do I need my therapist to love me?, posted by kara lynne on September 10, 2003, at 14:05:36
I think--no, sorry, I KNOW--I would have a hard time with a therapist trying to push through my "resistance" and insisting that I trust him.
When I have had things that were hard to talk about with my therapist, he has always really validated the "resistance"--a word he thankfully does not use, btw--ie, the fear, shame, whatever feelings were coming up for me when I wanted to talk about certain things but couldn't or when those things came up unexpectedly, etc. He really respected and validated that it didn't feel safe to dive into certain discussions, that these topics were stirring up way too much emotion that was going to be too hard for me to contain, and that we needed to respect my need to go slow. It certainly is a slower process than forcing someone to talk about something, but that would not have worked with me. But it is more than just going slower. It is paying attention to some really important stuff, rather than just thinking that that stuff is just an insignificant barrier to talking about the real stuff. No, the real stuff is also the "resistance".
Trust is something that has to be built, and for me, my therapist respecting my "resistance" as something real, not to be broken, but understood---THat is what helped me to feel safe and to trust him. In fact, sometimes, he would stop me and say that we should be careful not to go too fast into certain discussions, ie, that we needed to gauge how safe I would feel if I went there.
This has also been so important for me because of my issues with not trusting my internal cues, of so much self doubt, of having had people tell me how I supposedly feel or shame me for what I do feel, etc. So if a therapist were to tell me I SHOULD trust him that would be pretty much like saying I was WRONG to not feel trust at that time, ie, my own instincts are not valid, which would be the opposite of therapeutic for me.
Posted by kara lynne on September 13, 2003, at 15:11:02
In reply to Re: Trust, Resistance, Feeling safe in therapy » kara lynne, posted by noa on September 13, 2003, at 13:37:55
Dear noa.
First of all, may I say it's wonderful to hear from you? Thank you so much for responding to my post.I have run it past a couple of people and I'm pretty sure this therapist is not for me. I have decided to tell him first though, but one of my friends brings up a good point--that he will just take anything I say, turn it around and call it my resistance. Well maybe he will, but I feel it's important anyway for me to go in there Tuesday morning and say my piece. I gave him 6 sessions, Tuesday will be the 7th. I have gone in there with my heart open, as forthcoming as I am able to be. He is the one telling me over and over that I have 'trust issues' with men, and even he says, with good reason. All the more reason that I would think he could approach me with more understanding or compassion.
Like I said, I went in there last Tuesday and cried for 45 minutes telling this man I wake up wanting to die. I talked about my lack of confidence and my struggle going out into the world. And all he could focus on was my resistance, because I didn't want to discuss my masturbation habits. I'm completely serious.
I said (along the lines of what you were saying in your post), "What if there is something intelligent guiding my inclination to protect myself here?" He seemed annoyed and asked what that might be. I asked how was I to know that he wasn't coming from some male, power tripping place. He said (rather agitatedly), "Because of the therapy I've been through myself, and the fact that I keep my finger on the pulse of that issue very carefully." I guess with that said I was supposed to bypass my feelings altogether.
As for validating the process of resistance, although he claims to understand it and *say* that he is willing to talk about it, he also keeps that 'however long you want to wait to do the "real" work' attitude in the background of everything. In other words he seems critical and judgemental, even if he says he's not. Of course I could be skewing everything--maybe he is really being an angel and I am completely distorted in my perceptions of him. I guess that's what I've been trying to assess because my self-doubt will always have me questioning everything I think, and maybe this guy is really good and I just can't see it yet. Talk about your Catch 22.
It will be interesting to see if I can stay with my own truth here, go in and speak it and move onward.
Posted by fallsfall on September 13, 2003, at 16:38:27
In reply to Re: Trust, Resistance, Feeling safe in therapy/noa, posted by kara lynne on September 13, 2003, at 15:11:02
What an intellegent, well thought out decision. Your feet are planted firmly on the ground.
I'm really glad that you will see him one more time - I think that the closure is important to both of you. If things start to get out of control, just read your post for him.
The Catch 22 could be real. Your issues could be distorting your perception of him. If that is the case, then when you are in the same situation after trying two more therapists, you should probably stick it out with therapist #3.
Until then, I am so impressed with your strength these days.
Posted by kara lynne on September 13, 2003, at 19:46:06
In reply to Re: Trust, Resistance, Feeling safe in therapy/noa » kara lynne, posted by fallsfall on September 13, 2003, at 16:38:27
Thank you fallsfall. I wish I felt strong. I truly feel like a basket cast--I feel worse than ever. It's hard not to interpret that to mean that I'm doing something wrong. I keep thinking that if it were the right thing then eventually I'm supposed to feel better. I'm lonely as h*ll, I'm thinking about him constantly, I'm crying all the time, even in public. It takes me completely by surprise--I'll just mention casually that I've gone through a break up and I can't finish the sentence. I'm so tired, I'm aching in my bones like an arthritic old woman. I feel like I'm in worse physical health than ever, but I have no energy to take care of myself. I know I need to walk, at least a little, but I feel like I'm carrying a ton of bricks.
I'm sorry to be so qvetchy. I just don't get life.
I know, eat ice cream.
Posted by fallsfall on September 13, 2003, at 22:49:50
In reply to fallsfall, posted by kara lynne on September 13, 2003, at 19:46:06
Kara,
There is ice cream and there is ice cream. On a day that I'm feeling really good I try a new kind (Cherry Jubilee, or Banana). If I'm doing OK, I'll get Mint Chocolate Chip, or Moose Tracks. The next step down is chocolate ice cream with something (preferably chocolate) in it. The next step is a hot fudge sundae with Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream. Then a Large Hot Fudge Sundae with Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream, Marshmallow and nuts. I feel better just talking about it.
I'm sorry that it is so hard for you. Your life shouldn't be so hard.
One thing I learned last week (? - I can't remember when or what the details were, but at least I remember the lesson...) was that when my emotional reaction is unreasonable given the circumstances that those emotions are "old" emotions. Something in the present is reminding me of something in the past, and the past was painful. So the pain I feel is the pain from the past. And the current situation (while it might be painful) doesn't *by itself* generate that much pain. When I can recognize that I can start to separate the old pain from the current situation, and then the current situation can start to feel more reasonable. I'm not sure if I need to know what it was in my past that caused the pain, or if it is enough just to know that something did.
Your description of yourself sounds like you are depressed. (((((Kara))))) It is no, no fun. If it is sunny tomorrow try to take a walk, even a very short walk (to the corner and back). Better yet, come take my dogs for a walk, they are always funny and love to go on walks, and for some reason their owner never gets out to take them for a walk... I wish I could make you (and me!) all better. All I know is that we should take care of ourselves, do nice things for ourselves, be patient, and eat ice cream. Swinging is good, too. A couple of years ago a dear, dear friend made me a swing to put in my tree. I found a ladder and hung it, but it wasn't level - so every time you swinged (swang? swung?) you went in a curve instead of straight ahead. I was walking through my yard today to see how many more sticks need to be picked up before I mow my lawn for the first time this year (gotta do it before the leaves fall...). I wanted to swing, and I had the brilliant idea of changing the length of the chain from the bottom instead of the top (since I don't have a ladder). So now I can swing in my own yard. No, I didn't swing much today, the mosquitos were out - I need to go out earlier in the day.
So try to remember that it probably isn't HIM that you are missing. It is someone from your past. I hope this can help.
I hate it when people tell me I sound better when I don't feel better. But someone told me recently that other people can hear it before we can feel it. So maybe the future will be brighter.
P.S. Don't call him 8^)
Posted by kara lynne on September 14, 2003, at 0:53:14
In reply to Re: fallsfall » kara lynne, posted by fallsfall on September 13, 2003, at 22:49:50
fallsfall,
I just want you to know how much it means to me to sit down at the computer and find a response from you. There are so few people in my life that I can count on. I don't want to make you feel pressured to respond, only for you to know how much it is appreciated. You could say, "Green eggs and ham" and I would be happy--just that you wrote. I see you being so kind to so many people on this board.I think it's very true for me that this is bringing up old pain. I think it's the old pain that got me stuck in that relationship to begin with. It does help to remember--not to delude myself into thinking that it is my ex I am really yearning for. Even though, sitting in the movie theater tonight, all I could think about was resting my head on his shoulder like I used to do with him. He was kind to me at movies.
I am trying to make myself do things anyway. I went to the movie even though I was dog tired and hurting. And I came home and ate the next best thing to ice cream: macaroni and cheese.
I hope I really *do* sound better. Actually that feels relieving to me because I'm feeling so perpetually miserable that I really start to worry about it. Of course if you saw me it might be another story!
Tomorrow I will walk--at least to the corner. You have no idea how much I'd like to be able to come on by and walk your dogs. I find animals to be infinitely healing, and much easier to be with than my own species. And there is a place nearby with really good Peppermint ice cream, with pieces of peppermint candy in it. I hadn't even let myself ponder the notion of whipped cream, hot fudge and nuts...
thank you again ((((fallsfall))))
Posted by fallsfall on September 14, 2003, at 11:44:25
In reply to Dear fallsfall, posted by kara lynne on September 14, 2003, at 0:53:14
Kara,
You make me smile.
What kind of Macaroni and Cheese do you like? I find that Macaroni and Cheese brands call up the same level of doggedness as religion and politics.
Peppermint Stick is definately a contender. We could always join Weight Watchers together (P.S. I have no idea how much you weigh...).
If there is an animal shelter near you (and there probably is), I think that they are often looking for people to walk the dogs. The dogs would like it, you would like it, the animal shelter people would like it, and you would be volunteering (Oh, how they love you when you volunteer). [How is it that in any conversation I can find a way to bring certain topics up?] And then I'd have to join Weight Watchers without you.
So what was the movie? Did you go with someone or by yourself? I haven't decided if I will to to a movie by myself. Actually, I did once - I had driven my son over an hour to an activity and he was going to be there a couple of hours so I went to see Finding Nemo. It was great.
I don't want to do anything these days. And I can't decide if I would feel better taking care of myself (ice cream, swings, Babble) or accomplishing something (clean the kitchen, pay bills). Guess which one is winning?
(((((Kara)))))
Posted by kara lynne on September 14, 2003, at 15:46:42
In reply to Re: Dear fallsfall » kara lynne, posted by fallsfall on September 14, 2003, at 11:44:25
Good morning fallsfall,
I went to the movie with a (sort of) friend. I used to be able to go to the movies by myself all the time, I didn't think anything of it. But I can't do it now--suddenly it means I'm lonely squared, rather than just lonely. We saw Pirates Of the Carribean. Her choice, I wouldn't have picked it. It turned out to be ok but extremely loud. I have to remember to take my earplugs to movie theaters these days--it seems like they're getting louder and louder. Or I'm getting older and older.There is a decent restauraunt chain here that has delicious mac and cheese, and you can tell them to give you the crispy layer at the top of the pan if you like that--I do. Peppermint Stick seems to be a delicacy that's hard to find in most ice cream stores, however. There are mint variations which are all good, but a true pink Peppermint Stick is all too rare.
Not that it's any excuse, but animal shelters make me next to suicidal. I can't even drive by them without going into despair. I can't even walk up the escalator at the mall on the side with the pet shop. If I see a stray dog I either have to try to save it, or I obsess about it for days. I just can't take all the puppy suffering in the world, the overpupulation (!), the small cages, their sweet sad little faces, the ignorant people who neglect them. Any animal--iguanas included. I hope one day I will be a little less raw about that, as it makes it difficult to get through life with that level of sensitivity. Not to mention it gives them one less volunteer.
But I could certainly join you in doing nothing! I slept until 1pm today. This is really getting old, but I do feel a physical heaviness that I can't explain (and I don't mean weight, even though the Mac and Cheese before bed could have contributed!). Then I dreamt the ex...oh dear fallsfall...asked me to marry him. He called and said really clearly and beautifully that he wanted to marry me--with none of the qualifying and resisting. It was a good dream, anyway.
What is Finding Nemo about? I've heard nothing about it. Maybe I will see that next.
Hope you have a nice Sunday. I do love crossword puzzles, it's my one thing to look forward to all week--the Sunday crossword.
(((fallsfall)))
Posted by Adia on September 14, 2003, at 17:02:39
In reply to Re: Trust, Resistance, Feeling safe in therapy/noa, posted by kara lynne on September 13, 2003, at 15:11:02
Dear kara lynne,
I am thinking of you...
I wanted to say that I feel you were really opening up to him, I don't understand his reaction, you were telling him your feelings, you cried..you were showing him how you felt...
It seems he's not the right therapist for you and maybe that's what your intuition is telling you...
Maybe he's not the kind of therapist you're needing right now..
I do hope you can find a good supportive therapist to work with you and give you the warmth, safety and acceptance you are looking for...
Just wanted to send you my support and understanding and wish you the best at your next/last session with your therapist..
Let us know how it goes...
lots of support to you and wishing you the best,
Adia.> Dear noa.
> First of all, may I say it's wonderful to hear from you? Thank you so much for responding to my post.
>
> I have run it past a couple of people and I'm pretty sure this therapist is not for me. I have decided to tell him first though, but one of my friends brings up a good point--that he will just take anything I say, turn it around and call it my resistance. Well maybe he will, but I feel it's important anyway for me to go in there Tuesday morning and say my piece. I gave him 6 sessions, Tuesday will be the 7th. I have gone in there with my heart open, as forthcoming as I am able to be. He is the one telling me over and over that I have 'trust issues' with men, and even he says, with good reason. All the more reason that I would think he could approach me with more understanding or compassion.
>
> Like I said, I went in there last Tuesday and cried for 45 minutes telling this man I wake up wanting to die. I talked about my lack of confidence and my struggle going out into the world. And all he could focus on was my resistance, because I didn't want to discuss my masturbation habits. I'm completely serious.
>
> I said (along the lines of what you were saying in your post), "What if there is something intelligent guiding my inclination to protect myself here?" He seemed annoyed and asked what that might be. I asked how was I to know that he wasn't coming from some male, power tripping place. He said (rather agitatedly), "Because of the therapy I've been through myself, and the fact that I keep my finger on the pulse of that issue very carefully." I guess with that said I was supposed to bypass my feelings altogether.
>
> As for validating the process of resistance, although he claims to understand it and *say* that he is willing to talk about it, he also keeps that 'however long you want to wait to do the "real" work' attitude in the background of everything. In other words he seems critical and judgemental, even if he says he's not. Of course I could be skewing everything--maybe he is really being an angel and I am completely distorted in my perceptions of him. I guess that's what I've been trying to assess because my self-doubt will always have me questioning everything I think, and maybe this guy is really good and I just can't see it yet. Talk about your Catch 22.
>
> It will be interesting to see if I can stay with my own truth here, go in and speak it and move onward.
Posted by Cecilia on September 23, 2003, at 3:26:32
In reply to kara lynne... » kara lynne, posted by Adia on September 14, 2003, at 17:02:39
I would say, run, run as fast as you can from this jerk. A therapist who interrogates a client about her masturbation habits is a pervert, not a therapist, IMO. Cecilia
This is the end of the thread.
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