Posted by fallsfall on September 10, 2003, at 15:25:46
In reply to Do I need my therapist to love me?, posted by kara lynne on September 10, 2003, at 14:05:36
Hey Kara,
I think that you are understanding it pretty well. You do have to have some relationship before you can get into more difficult stuff. It is just too scary to talk about vulnerabilities when you don't know how the other person will react. I found, when I started with my new therapist, that I could accelerate what I was willing to talk about a little because he was a therapist, and that is his job. I guess that I would expect a therapist to protect me more than I would a man on the street. I guess it let me push ahead a little faster because it's almost like I will trust him until he gives me cause not to trust him. I don't know if that makes sense.
Do you have general trust issues with people? If you do that might be the first thing to talk about.
Do you know what kind of therapy he does (forgive me if I asked before...)? And what did your previous therapist do? I have found that the two kinds of therapy that my first and second therapist do are incredibly different. It may be that you need a different kind of therapy (or that you prefer a different kind). Or it may be that you just aren't used to this guy's style. Even therapies that focus more on the work than the relationship need a solid relationship, and the therapist should be willing to cultivate the relationship.
I don't know if my new guy cares for me now. I do know that I can tell him specifically what I need and he is able to meet that need. It's like I don't quite understand the day to day stuff, what we are doing, how it works, but I am willing to be patient because I know that if I need him that he will be there and he will take care of me. At the same time, I'm trying to avoid the strong dependency that I had on my old therapist, so I may be more tolerant of "lack of warmth" than I would be under other circumstances.
In any event, if you are not comfortable - since you are not comfortable with the relationship, you should certainly bring it up and talk about it. Talk about caring and trust, and what makes you feel comfortable when you need to open up.
How many sessions have you had? How many years has this guy been doing therapy?
You are thinking about all the right things.
poster:fallsfall
thread:258785
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030905/msgs/258816.html