Posted by noa on September 13, 2003, at 13:37:55
In reply to Do I need my therapist to love me?, posted by kara lynne on September 10, 2003, at 14:05:36
I think--no, sorry, I KNOW--I would have a hard time with a therapist trying to push through my "resistance" and insisting that I trust him.
When I have had things that were hard to talk about with my therapist, he has always really validated the "resistance"--a word he thankfully does not use, btw--ie, the fear, shame, whatever feelings were coming up for me when I wanted to talk about certain things but couldn't or when those things came up unexpectedly, etc. He really respected and validated that it didn't feel safe to dive into certain discussions, that these topics were stirring up way too much emotion that was going to be too hard for me to contain, and that we needed to respect my need to go slow. It certainly is a slower process than forcing someone to talk about something, but that would not have worked with me. But it is more than just going slower. It is paying attention to some really important stuff, rather than just thinking that that stuff is just an insignificant barrier to talking about the real stuff. No, the real stuff is also the "resistance".
Trust is something that has to be built, and for me, my therapist respecting my "resistance" as something real, not to be broken, but understood---THat is what helped me to feel safe and to trust him. In fact, sometimes, he would stop me and say that we should be careful not to go too fast into certain discussions, ie, that we needed to gauge how safe I would feel if I went there.
This has also been so important for me because of my issues with not trusting my internal cues, of so much self doubt, of having had people tell me how I supposedly feel or shame me for what I do feel, etc. So if a therapist were to tell me I SHOULD trust him that would be pretty much like saying I was WRONG to not feel trust at that time, ie, my own instincts are not valid, which would be the opposite of therapeutic for me.
poster:noa
thread:258785
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030905/msgs/259666.html