Posted by kara lynne on September 13, 2003, at 15:11:02
In reply to Re: Trust, Resistance, Feeling safe in therapy » kara lynne, posted by noa on September 13, 2003, at 13:37:55
Dear noa.
First of all, may I say it's wonderful to hear from you? Thank you so much for responding to my post.I have run it past a couple of people and I'm pretty sure this therapist is not for me. I have decided to tell him first though, but one of my friends brings up a good point--that he will just take anything I say, turn it around and call it my resistance. Well maybe he will, but I feel it's important anyway for me to go in there Tuesday morning and say my piece. I gave him 6 sessions, Tuesday will be the 7th. I have gone in there with my heart open, as forthcoming as I am able to be. He is the one telling me over and over that I have 'trust issues' with men, and even he says, with good reason. All the more reason that I would think he could approach me with more understanding or compassion.
Like I said, I went in there last Tuesday and cried for 45 minutes telling this man I wake up wanting to die. I talked about my lack of confidence and my struggle going out into the world. And all he could focus on was my resistance, because I didn't want to discuss my masturbation habits. I'm completely serious.
I said (along the lines of what you were saying in your post), "What if there is something intelligent guiding my inclination to protect myself here?" He seemed annoyed and asked what that might be. I asked how was I to know that he wasn't coming from some male, power tripping place. He said (rather agitatedly), "Because of the therapy I've been through myself, and the fact that I keep my finger on the pulse of that issue very carefully." I guess with that said I was supposed to bypass my feelings altogether.
As for validating the process of resistance, although he claims to understand it and *say* that he is willing to talk about it, he also keeps that 'however long you want to wait to do the "real" work' attitude in the background of everything. In other words he seems critical and judgemental, even if he says he's not. Of course I could be skewing everything--maybe he is really being an angel and I am completely distorted in my perceptions of him. I guess that's what I've been trying to assess because my self-doubt will always have me questioning everything I think, and maybe this guy is really good and I just can't see it yet. Talk about your Catch 22.
It will be interesting to see if I can stay with my own truth here, go in and speak it and move onward.
poster:kara lynne
thread:258785
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030905/msgs/259692.html