Posted by Joan797 on August 7, 2006, at 22:32:21
In reply to Empty, posted by Joan797 on August 6, 2006, at 0:16:13
I read what I wrote and I cry over my own immense sadness. I'm embarassed that I don't have my sh*t together, and I'm appauled that I can get so depressed that I speak out about it to others and then require sympathy. No, that's not quite it, I require validation for my feelings....as if somehow if someone else feels or has experienced the same things or feelings then that somehow makes me less of a victim. Just because I and others experience it doesn't make it right. It doesn't make the problem go away.
I hate this life. I really hate it and want it to end. Why does it have to be so hard? Why are there so many others out there experiencing a sh*tty life? Why is God doing this. Or should I ask, why does God allow us to do this to others or ourselves? I should have that kind of control over my own destiny.
Can't it just be 1948 again when Mother and Daddy looked like movie stars and were beautifully in love and just married? What a wonderful era. Beautiful clothes, classic styles, magnificent photography....Or 1972 when the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus still gave me attention, and the chocolate flowed like water off my hips and thighs never sticking and never causing acne. Or the summer of 1983 when high school was a not so distant past, my "Chic" jeans molded my small *ss to perfection and all I was concerned about was my Saturday night date with a gorgeous tall dark haired blue eyed football star and whether I'd like to "go all the way" with him.
I should have moved further away from home, I should have lived, I should have breathed, I should have experienced all that I could.........
Why can't I go back and live that life over?
Why do I have so very many regrets?
Why?
Why?
Why?
poster:Joan797
thread:674169
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20060722/msgs/674707.html