Posted by Estella on May 6, 2006, at 22:21:21
In reply to Re: Hey you, you ok!!!!, posted by muffled on April 17, 2006, at 22:45:47
> Naw, the chewing is sort of that i can never be totally at peace. Something is gnawing away inside me mentally, and I can ignore it for awhile, but I don't know what it is, and it never totally goes away. And it builds until I goto release the pressure in unhealthy ways.
In your head?
In your stomach?I get a kind of chewing in my stomach sometimes. Othertimes I kind of pain... Yes... I think that was what SI was about for me... A way to get away from that godawful feeling. Go numb and watch things happen. A way to bring you back. I don't know. I just remember I would do anything anything at all to get it to stop. Anything at all. Dammit. I still get that. Now... I curl up into a little ball... Take some valium... And I'm not allowed to move I'm not. I imagine that I'm paralysed. That I'm going to lie there till my flesh rots off. I'm not going to move dammit. And these fickle moods. And it is over in a couple days. The rage the terror the pain.
Not to be talked about...
Brings it back.
I'm sorry. I wish I could take those feelings from you so you never had to feel them again. I'm so sorry.
poster:Estella
thread:631689
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20060331/msgs/640796.html