Posted by special_k on April 17, 2006, at 20:34:27
In reply to Hey you, you ok!!!! » special_k, posted by muffled on April 17, 2006, at 12:50:02
> ***I think I was an annoying kid too. Don't really remember. Mebbe don't want to...
mmm. mebee we just needed a little attention and tlc...
> ***I feel better doing volunteer work. No pressure and I feel useful. I don't socialize that much. Don't want to really.yeah. i'd feel better for getting into my thesis lol. no pressure in particular (yet) but investment now will help things along later. we have a big dept. maybe 20 grad students. a few post doctoral fellows. maybe 10 staff. and visiting scholars / staff etc all the time. lots of socialising... i'm not used to hanging in a group of like 15 people per time... goign out to dinner and stuff... but they are there and are friendly enough... though i think there is a semi competitive thing going on... well there is really... i think thats why it is hard for me to relax around them.
feel more relaxed around the physicists... except when i actually talk to them about what they are doing... and a chemist too... now why would you want to study phosperous and arsenic for??? interesting the different takes on the moral responsibility of scientists... interesting...
> ***I dunno either. I wrote this just the other day...
> CIRCLES
> I stay away from whats inside and I’m ok.
> I chill out mostly.
> For awhile.
> Awhile.
> But the chewing continues.
> Quietly.
> Then ever louder.
> More confused.
> More lost.
> Going, going.
> Gone.
> Where I go I do not know.
> Into reduce the intensity mode.
> Into basic survival functioning.
> Into the farce of seeming normalcy.
> Me.
> I dunno.
> I sort of sit back and watch sometimes and wait and do nothing.
> Sometimes I’m just gone, gone, gone.
> Mebbe I keep things from going too wrong.
> While what needs to be done, is done.
> Then ashamed, yet releived, I reappear after a time.
> Sometimes it takes awhile.
> Sometimes not.
> Then I stay away from whats inside and I’m ok.
> I chill out mostly.
> For awhile.
> Awhile.
> But the chewing continues…….what is the chewing?
a gnawing feeling inside of you?
like your stomach trying to work when there isn't anything inside?
i dunno...
(i liked that)
:-)
> ***There's always something.
> Even if its going out the door and sitting in a park.
> Or passing out smokes to street people if you can afford a pack. But stay away from drugs.....
> Maybe go to a church and listen to singing.
> Don't drink.
> Don't drink.
> Don't drink.
> Man'o'man.
> On my high horse today eh?
> Take care.
> Muffledthanks muffled. yeah sometimes i think that is what i need to do. walk away from the computer and go outside. go sit in the park or something. go to a movie. that is more of an option now. i'm lucky to be living on campus :-) walking distance to town and the streets are safe enough (over policed really for govt activities so when there isnt' an event...) the streets are safe enough. and there are a couple movie theatres... and it is getting colder so that is the perfect thing to do.
not too many homeless people. they built the subsidised housing (income based so free in some instances) right in town. thought that was nicer for them. closer to buses and stuff. one of the post docs was saying he likes that 'cause it gives him some entertainment at night (across the road from fairly nice appartment complexes). police response is very good.
there are shelters in town too. dunno... but i think maybe they open at maybe 10pm and close early in the morning. so the drunk pepole give them a hard time in town sometimes. but... police response is very good.
most of them seem to be mentally ill (pronounced delusions / hallucinations)
it is kinda sad.
i'm not so used to that... well... maybe i kinda am. community mental health used to be in town back where i was from. and people used to hang round town before / after their appoitments. they used to busk. i'm used to singing and people trying to sell crayon drawings and stuff. making your name out of a bit of wire etc. but not so used to someone sitting next to a tin yelling out whether people can spare their change :-(
kinda sad.
:-(
poster:special_k
thread:631689
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20060331/msgs/634297.html