Posted by Susan47 on October 6, 2005, at 4:29:04
It's coming, soon. And what will you do, my dear? Where will you be? Who will be with you? Who will be just thinking of you, who will yearn for your eyes, your smile, the sound of your voice?
I will.
I miss you almost beyond bearing.
It's tantalizing, and hopeless, remembering that there was a time when I didn't realize you even truly existed;
that you weren't more than simply a dream I must once have had, of everything I ever wanted in my life.
The peace that I had then; when love was never threatening, never exciting, never realized.
A life I had, a life not lived.
Had I not actually known you, I may have gone to quietly to my end, living yet not. Perhaps not living, either, because life had become a living death and there was no more point in dragging it out any further.
So, thank you. Thank you for that, which is a great deal.
A great deal more wonderful than even a parent has ever done for me, other than to give me life.
You, a stranger, gave me a gift of love.
You're incredibly beautiful.
I'm not speaking of your eyes, or your smile, or anything about your physical self.
Do you know that? Do you know you can be "seen"?
Perhaps you also have that gift, the gift of seeing... seeing what you wish to see, and making it real.
You Were my life, for a long time.
I hope, soon, that I can take over, for myself.
That I won't need you, the idea of you, the remembrance is much more bearable. What was, yet wasn't, is, but isn't.
Maybe that makes no sense.
Maybe you'll never read these lines.
Maybe you'll dismiss the whole thing as ramblings.
I have no control over that, I've never had real control over anything, that's the beauty of having a brain .. you can rationalize so much.
I gave my soul away the day I allowed "Love" to truly enter my vocabulary, in reference to you.
poster:Susan47
thread:563598
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20050910/msgs/563598.html