Posted by Damos on June 14, 2005, at 17:50:40
In reply to Re: (((Damos))), posted by alexandra_k on June 14, 2005, at 3:02:03
Hey kiddo,
I've just seen the thread over on Psych too. Lot of good stuff in the replies there especially with regards to the "do over", cause it sure sounds like you were in a bad place and she was in a bad place and sh*t happened.
How are you feeling today, still spinning? How is it that your p-doc always manages to screw stuff up directly or indirectly - what is his problem?
Maybe, just maybe it's because you've become a self fulfilling prophecy. "I don't work in therapy", so I literally don't work in therapy. Basically insult has been added to injury. I bet if you're totally honest, all that has gone before and what they've said about you makes the thought of seeing another therapist awfull, cause deep inside a part of you believes it's gonna go badly - it has to, cause it always does. Hmm?
I do the exact same thing with conversations IRL. I know I'm no good at it and I've been told I'm no good at it so I literally am no damn good at it. Almost without exception I get into such a state about it and have played it out a thousand time before it's even happened. And it never goes right. Except when it just happens. Wow, maybe this is one of the things that has stopped me going to therapy..Wow.
I also suspect that you're pretty sensitive to the vibes of others and if you get a bad vibe from someone the shutters just go up and self preservation kicks in. Security is very important to you and if you don't feel secure you withdraw and get the hell out of there.
How different would it have been if she'd greeted you at the door, offered you coffee, tea, or a glass of water, acknowledged the fact that your appearance suggested you might not be at your best by asking if you were feeling okay, and then, and only then said that before you begin she had had a call from your p-doc about x&y and asked your thoughts about how you should proceed.
She could have done everything differently but didn't. Does this automatically make her a bad person or therapist? No, was it a good way to start? No. Is it irreparable? No.
Could you have done things differently? Yep. Does what you did make you a bad person or not able to work in therapy? No. You were in a bad place when you got there. The mere mention of the p-doc would have triggered stuff. Then it just went downhill from there. Irreparable? No. Lousy thing to have happen when getting help is so important to you. Absolutely. Sorry have to go will discuss more later.
Hang in there okay.
poster:Damos
thread:503517
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20050513/msgs/512720.html