Posted by alexandra_k on June 14, 2005, at 3:02:03
In reply to Re: (((Alex))), posted by Damos on June 13, 2005, at 17:25:21
> What about the therapist that the P-doc was going to refer you to based on the DID dx? I know that would be outside the system but did you ever actually meet her and if so did she seem like someone you could work with?
:-(
The funding didn't come through so I can't see her.
My memory of meeting her is a bit confused.
It went...
It was pretty horid.
She made a big performance of phoning ACC to ask them for a sensitive claims form to fill in for someone who hadn't been sexually abused.
They said that she had better not fill in a sensitive claims form for me if I hadn't been sexually abused.
I had to sit there while she was on hold with them etc for a good 20minutes. And I'm sitting there squirming seeing just how much easier it would be to say that I had been. Sigh. I can't believe the system is still set up that way...
Anyway... It got a bit much for me (I knew the whole thing was a waste of time) so I just got up and left and she started screaming at me about taking one of her cards. Basically... It didn't go well.I was going to pay her.
But p-doc talked to her before I went
And so she had a different conception of why I was there rather than asking me why I had made an appointment.:-(
> Please don't be sad Alex.
I'll try.
>You know if they tell you you're impossible to work with often enough and you're teminated often enough and you don;t feel like you're getting anywhere, of course you're going to start blaming yourself.
Yeah. But it has to be something about me. I'm just trying to work out what. And why they say that I don't work in therapy etc. There must be something to it or they wouldn't say it all the time.
>It doesn't sound like anyone has ever just let you be with them long enough without trying to fix you for you to even begin to feel comfortable working with them. It's that security thing we share. It takes people like us a long time to really open up to anyone about anything. Surely there is a need to build a relationship where you feel safe, supported, validated and comfortable before anything else.
Yeah. I think thats it too. But they disagree...
>That's why loosing these people I've worked with for so long is hitting home hard. My safety net is being pulled away and it scares me.
(((Damos))) Yeah. Thats got to be hard :-( Something like that gets ya all shaken up. Nasty.
> If you want to see that therapist or someone else or whatever, I'll give you whatever support and help I can.Thanks. But no.
>If you want to be your own therapist and just use me to bounce stuff off that's okay too. All I can promise is to be honest with you and to respond based on what I feel and believe and to be your friend first and foremost.
:-)
Thanks.
I'll get there.
I have to.
But it won't be so bad.
Not with all the wonderful Babblers in the world :-)
poster:alexandra_k
thread:503517
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20050513/msgs/512417.html