Posted by alexandra_k on June 5, 2005, at 22:51:57
In reply to Re: (((Alex))), posted by Damos on June 5, 2005, at 17:50:24
I'm feeling much much much better today :-)
I took yesterday off.
Went round to my mates
Got high
Went grocery shopping and got all sorts of necessities like chocolate and ice-cream
Got some new sneakers (my old ones were so worn down at the heel that they were leaking)
Got high
:-)
And then I felt better.
Wrote loads of meaningless drivel on my thesis
(which means I'm rediscovering an interest)
And am diligently doing my marking today
(But with lots of necessary Babble breaks)
I do think that the depth of my mood was period related.
Hmm.
I feel yet another self-dx coming on ;-)
But: I should try and remember this for next month.
Next time I start to lose it...
I should wonder if it is about that time.
Just knowing that might make it more manageable.
Like how its easier to cope with panic attacks etc if one remembers 'it is just the LSD I'll be ok in a bit'.Yes. You are right about what I should do about the councellor situation. I was in a very black mood indeed when I wrote that I'd just stop going. Because I do want help more than anything (hence the factitious disorder guestimate)...
So... Some serious repair relationship stuff is in order... Not just a card, because I'll never be able to figure out something decent to say.. I have an idea. I do.
The one t who I got on really well with was my DTB therapist for 8 months. I told her a little bit about the voices - but not much. I was scaired that they would think I was psychotic and that I'd get kicked out of DBT.When she left she gave me this little wooden box. With a coloured bead, a little piece of crystal, a little piece of turquoise, and a little cone shaped shell inside. She said that it was a mindfulness exercise. I don't know how she meant it... But I kind of thought each bit was supposed to be one of the voices. A little bit of me. They sort of 'claimed' one each. But there was another one I never told her about. So I guess I'm the box, if that makes any sense.
Anyhow. I thought it might be nice to start doing mindfulness exercises with my new t. Just 5 minutes at the start of the session so I can try and orient myself to being THERE with HER with all my attention. And so I thought I could loan her the box to look after. She could look after it for me, and when we aren't going to work with each other then I'll get it back. But I will make sure that I say to her that if something happens and her office burns down or someone breaks in or whatever then I won't be upset with her. I'll promise that. Because I don't want to ruin it by having her worry that I'll spew at her if something happens and she loses it or whatever.
And a card. A card, of course.
Does that sound nice?????
I really don't know whether I can tell her that I am having a hard time appreciating her....
But... Maybe it isn't essential so long as I put some thought into doing some serious repair work and start appreciating her more from this point on.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:503517
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20050513/msgs/508231.html