Posted by sunny10 on May 9, 2005, at 10:09:32
In reply to (((((((((Sunny))))))))), posted by Damos on May 8, 2005, at 17:33:44
what I meant is that I did not, UNTIL after he strangled me, tell him that he either gets help or I leave, period.
That's all that I meant about not having boundaries that were actually boundaries.
My son, being the son of a recovering alcoholic (his dad), is very happy that I am attempting to help my SO to overcome HIS psychological issues.
The only reason that your posts here so upset me is that I have myself been abandoned when I had been the one to mess up- and my "mess up" was pyschological in nature, too. I honestly am STILL not over that abandonment, and am unwilling to NOT stand by him IF he actually wants to change.
No one stood by me. I cannot turn my back on someone I love just when they need me. I cannot be my mother, my father, my ex-husband, ex-lovers. Everyone has always turned their back on me because of things I've done or said due to my recurrent major depressive disorder.
Should I turn my back JUST WHEN I have been asked to help? Just when my SO has admitted that everything he did and said was wrong? When he admitted to needing help; I should run away?
I was "away" when he was in denial. And I would have stayed away had he not admitted to wanting to be with me and "needing help to get his head screwed back on straight", and wanting to go to couples counselling so that we could learn to better communicate.....
He is such a proud man- he would never say such things as those without meaning them. From the letter I wrote to him, you should be able to tell that he had always said that he was perfectly capable of doing everything on his own. Now that he can admit to needing help, I should leave him?
Sorry, I'm sure I'm not writing this right- I'm not angry so much as confused by your "take on things".
I am freely admitting that I could turn out to be wrong about him in the end!!!
But to be true to MY feelings, I need to be there for him UNTIL he shows that he's not even there for himself... then I shall concede defeat and move on.
-suuny10
poster:sunny10
thread:494515
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20050419/msgs/495523.html