Posted by PM80 on May 6, 2005, at 13:21:41
In reply to I sent this letter to my SO (long), posted by sunny10 on May 6, 2005, at 11:13:35
This letter of yours concerns me. I see you loving a man who does not and will not ever reciprocate your feelings. At times he may seem sweet, but only when he is in the mood - not when you need him to be. This goes FAR beyond the expected imperfections in a "normal" relationship. It is not your fault nor is is caused by a lack of understanding on your part. It reminds me of a past relationship of mine. I can relate to your feelings, but I now see things in such a different light. You say that you want to set boundaries, but it seems that you set them, he crosses them, you forgive him, then you reset the boundaries, then he crosses them, then you forgive him, ... Boundaries such as these are not real, but are illusions. Boundaries without true consequences are no boundaries at all. At what point will he have gone too far and it is enough? When he beats you? When he breaks a bone? When he breaks your spirit? When he kills you? When will it be enough? He is out of control. He treated you like trash. period. Reread this letter and consider why in the world you would want to leave yourself in a position where this could happen again. You are right not to trust him. He has not just messed up once. He has repeatedly lied to you, and his behavior is escalating. Eventually, if you stay with this man, your son WILL be exposed to all of this ugliness. You are an intelligent woman; you know that I am right even though you hope that I might not be.
I think for me, I stayed with my ex (the *sshole) because I wanted to believe in ideals. I wanted to believe that good things can happen in life. That hope thrives. That people really mean the best for others deep down inside. I also was so afraid of being alone. Look, after he is a COMPLETE *ss, he apologizes with tears in his eyes, so he must really care, right? No, he always only cared about himself. And I am finding that being alone leaves me feeling a hell of a lot better than trying to please and to be always understanding and supportive of that jerk.
Sunny, you are worth so much more than this. I am always so happy when you respond to my posts. They make me feel good. You make me feel good about myself. Please, please, please consider running very far away from this person who has not treated you well at all. Bring this letter in to your therapist and try exploring why you feel so compelled to stay with this person who clearly is not healthy for you.
poster:PM80
thread:494515
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20050419/msgs/494559.html