Posted by beatrix34 on June 23, 2004, at 21:41:30
In reply to Re: Meth-20 years Clean-addicted again Beatrix34 » beatrix34, posted by 2ndXround on June 23, 2004, at 4:52:37
Hi there -
Don't ever think you are putting me to sleep :) I am happy to have the opportunity to listen. Thank you for sharing with us all. I do see your fears in the possible perception that others may have it's odd because everyone (who is not an addict) that I have confided in has ended up being understanding. They are able to see me as a person and not just as "an addict" in the generalized sense. I do see that you would be worried about potentially negating your past 20 clean years as a mother with your daughter. Just think, you and I had parents that were in active addiction for most of our childhood. Your daughter has had a wonderful, clean, caring, loving mother for her childhood years. In my eyes, that will be what ultimately remains in the memories. Three years of using will be more easily erased than 20 years of caring.As for the people in the program, they have all been where you are. Nobody is there to judge you on anything at all. I was scared of that too when I went into NA. I felt like I had to act like I was fine, which is crazy after looking back as everyone knew that the reason I was sitting in the rooms was because I was not fine. There is nobody in there that cannot relate to you in one way or another, or who has not been in the same, or even worse a situation than you. I feel for you as I can relate well to very strong feelings of shame. You are still the same person now as you were when you were clean. , just a little further from the surface :)
As far as the meetings go, I say go to whichever you feel most comfortable in. If that means going to a couple more with your daughter and sitting in another break out meeting, or just sitting quietly that's ok. If you feel strong enough to go to one on your own that would be good for you too. What about talking to another woman at one meeting and asking to go with her to a different meeting? That way you have more than one person to walk into the rooms with? Just a couple of thoughts. Did you get any phone numbers when you were at the last meeting? Was it any easier than the first one you went to?
If I was in the same area I would go with you in a heartbeat. :) I am in the Denver area...not sure where you are.
Again, hang in there... ((((Janis)))) big hug to you!
I guess in short, I do think that your fears are valid and real, but I also think that you may be doing the same thing you daughter complained of by trying to keep this quiet. You can't protect her, she has to love you for you. Remember, you're worth it and 3 hard years does not wipe out 20 good ones.
I hope you post again soon.
Bea
poster:beatrix34
thread:357711
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20040604/msgs/359613.html