Posted by Racer on April 5, 2006, at 1:31:13
In reply to Re: Boundaries -- both personal and professional » Racer, posted by Deneb on April 4, 2006, at 22:41:25
> >
> > And a word about hugs: Not everyone is OK about hugs, not everyone is OK about being touched.
>
> That's why it's important to ask. I don't plan on hugging Bob without asking. I don't plan on hugging anyone without asking.
>Because this is a big deal for me, something which has come up for me many times and makes me uncomfortable every time it does, I'm going to say this. Deneb, I'm revealing something personal about myself to you. Respect that.
I am not comfortable with hugs, most of the time. Yes, there are people I do hug, and some people whom I'm comfortable hugging, but that's a bit rare. It makes me very, very uncomfortable to be hugged without my express consent.
AND IT MAKES ME EVEN MORE UNCOMFORTABLE TO BE ASKED BY SOMEONE IF HE/SHE CAN HUG ME!
When someone asks for permission to hug me, I feel trapped between my own need NOT to be hugged when it doesn't feel comfortable, and allowing it so that I don't hurt their feelings. And you know what? Then I resent the person asking, because I feel uncomfortable.
Would you like to know that someone is uncomfortable AND resents you, because you asked for that hug?
I'm done with this. This subject has actually gotten under my skin, maybe because this is such a loaded topic for me, and I think I'd best avoid the rest of this thread.
Peace
poster:Racer
thread:626334
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060331/msgs/629062.html