Posted by special_k on April 5, 2006, at 0:09:44
In reply to Re: Boundaries -- both personal and professional » special_k, posted by Deneb on April 4, 2006, at 23:56:26
> Maybe you are right special k...maybe I do love Dr. Bob *because* of the boundaries and not *despite* the boundaries.
i think so. i really really do. but then i have been known to be wrong ;-)
> I really don't know how I would react if one day Dr. Bob acted like a friend towards me.yeah. you probably wouldn't like it at all. or maybe you would like it for a time. but then you would need him to be a rock and he wouldn't be being a rock he'd be going off about his bad day or something like that and then you would have lost bob the rock :-(
> In my mind giving Bob a small hug is not going out of boundaries.maybe not but if he gave you a hug then he would be setting precedent to give any babbler a hug who wanted one. i mean, if he gave you a hug but didn't hug poster x then poster x would start up 'its not FAIR dr bob doesn't LIKE me' etc etc. black and white rules again...
> What if a small hug is seen as a greeting?
like the scarf could be seen as a small token gift, or as a symbol of your intense affection? a hug could be seen as a greeting or as a sexual advance. for people with history of sexual abuse hugs *can* be confusing deneb.
> I don't think hugging Bob will confuse me or hurt me in anyway.
maybe not. but it could confuse / hurt other posters. confuse / hurt if he hugged them, confuse / hurt if he didn't hug them. damned either way. and hugging one is setting precedent for hugging all (otherwise 'IT ISN'T FAIR!') and hence... more confusion / hurt...
> I just have this fantasy of hugging Dr. Bob. I walk around the streets and I pretend someone is Dr. Bob and I imagine hugging that person. I hug the air in front of me and pretend I'm hugging Dr. Bob. I imagine that hugging Dr. Bob will give me a comfy feeling.ok. well... enjoy the feeling...
but i still think you should be careful about respecting boundaries...
though i do have sympathy with flouting boundaries / rules (sigh)...
i think they are there for good reason...
poster:special_k
thread:626334
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060331/msgs/629041.html