Posted by 10derHeart on May 31, 2005, at 11:46:28
In reply to Re: Would people even want to meet me?, posted by Deneb on May 31, 2005, at 10:54:23
> I'm sorry for assuming that people will want to meet me. I'm quite pathetic really...my social life consists entirely of interacting with people here. <<
There's no reason to think anyone wouldn't want to meet you. And if Babble is all you have right now, so be it. Thank goodness you found us, then, right? Doesn't equal pathetic and even more - doesn't mean it will stay that way. You're young, smart, strong and a fighter. You might meet someone next week, even at the fast food job you don't like, and you might click. Who knows? Friends can be anywhere.
I fall into some of the same categories as you, and I know I'm not pathetic. I need more IRL relationships. You say you only have Babble, but, your fast food job is a social interaction. And really, when you go into a store or any public place, you can create a tiny one. Even one as simple as meeting a few more people's gazes this week. Maybe try a quick smile at them? (I look down a lot, and try to overcome that) IMO, even these small things can snowball into significant victories you can share at Babble - even if no one IRL would understand that type of progress - we would!
I have a handful of "friends" made over the past year. But none of these relationships is very deep, or satisfying. So, I may appear to have them, but really don't. Not yet. Sure, when I get frustrated at lack of (quality) relationships, how hard it is to find them and how long it takes to form new ones - I've been known to use the "p" word, too. But my head knows it's just a strong word we sometimes use very meanly against ourselves to beat ourselves up when we're down.
I hope you don't need to say it (as much?) any more? Because it's too negative for such a beautiful soul as you.
>>I promise I'm not as crazy in real life.
Has anyone said or implied you're crazy here?
>>I'm just a quiet person.
That's fine. Social anxiety tends to make it that way, even if at heart you may be an extrovert. Baby steps. Are you totally quiet when you're with your star-gazing friends (that sounds SO cool, BTW!)? Because it sounds to me like then you may emerge from your shell a bit more?
>>I'm so pathetic it's humiliating...wanting to meet you guys is one thing that makes me want to stay alive. I bet (think, IMO) most people who are going to the party this year don't even give me a second thought. I'm so pathetic it's deplorable. I'm even pathetic for using the word pathetic so many times. <<
Well, I already talked about that "p" word above. Try to take it easy on yourself. Getting anxious about stuff on Babble doesn't make you pathetic. Nor does being quiet, or wondering about whether people care or want to meet you. I think it makes you a feeling, hurting person who wants to connect, but is also so afraid of what that means sometimes. We are different ages, cultural backgrounds and likely have different emotional problems, but I really *do* get that, Jenny. I know it's hard.
>> Ok, people don't wish death upon me. Ok, can I assume that everyone here doesn't wish death upon me? Ok, will do. I hope I am correct...it is so hard to tell, esp. about whether or not Dr. Bob wishes death upon me.<<
That's right. No one here ever wishes that. And I don't think you mean that about Dr. Bob. What makes it so hard to tell?
Perhaps your anxiety and fear are trying to "talk for themselves," and push the "rest" of Jenny aside - so maybe try to recognize that. (We'll help) Remember, you wrote a while back that Dr. Bob was "benevolent?" And, if I recall, he thanked you? You were 100% right, you know.
Would he act like that, and would he put energy and time into a place like this if he was capable of wishing death on posters?
>>OK, I don't know what I'm saying anymore. It sounds silly to type that up now. I think I'm more happy now. OK, I'm good.<
That's an abrupt change - in the space of a single sentence. Although I'm glad, it's worrisome. Maybe print out and add this post to your collection of things to show your pdoc when she's back? Hope you're really doing that - I think it could be immensely helpful during an appointment to bring in these posts.
>>I promise now not to kill myself so I can have an adventure in Toronto next year. It will be fun. :-)<<
Good.
That's very good to hear.
Do make the promise to yourself Jenny, though.
Not just to us.
And for your family, who despite anything they say or do, would be devastated if you did that.
Jenny is a worthwhile, caring and likeable person who deserves LIFE, okay? :-)Hope you plan something to do today. Get out and try to see some beauty in nature, or something like that. I'm going to make myself take a walk, no matter how lazy and blah I feel.
Take care, talk to you soon - 10derHeart
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poster:10derHeart
thread:505771
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050525/msgs/505771.html