Posted by Deneb on May 31, 2005, at 16:43:16
In reply to Deneb, I replied to you over on Social..:-) » Deneb, posted by 10derHeart on May 31, 2005, at 11:46:28
> You might meet someone next week, even at the fast food job you don't like, and you might click. Who knows? Friends can be anywhere.
I don't know how to be comfortable around other people. It is very annoying. I have to talk and smile. Smiling and laughing all the time makes my mouth tired. I cannot not smile cuz then I will be frowning and people will get upset. Sometimes I feel bad and other people feel good and I don't know what to do. I have to say good things so people won't get sad.
>IMO, even these small things can snowball into significant victories you can share at Babble - even if no one IRL would understand that type of progress - we would!
One time an elderly lady fell down and I helped her clean blood off her face and tired to make her feel better, but I didn't think to call the ambulance because I'm so afraid of asking people. I tired to do a good thing but it ended up being bad. It was almost like the universe was telling me I should kill myself, why else would such a rare thing happen?
> Has anyone said or implied you're crazy here?
I don't know. I don't think anyone actually said it, but I'm sure they thought it. I just don't understand why I always end up sounding so crazy even though I don't have a serious disorder like other people do. You people sound very together and very sane compared to me but I don't even have serious problems.
> Are you totally quiet when you're with your star-gazing friends (that sounds SO cool, BTW!)? Because it sounds to me like then you may emerge from your shell a bit more?
Well, mostly it is about observing, but I say "Wow!" a lot because it gets exciting when one sees something one has never seen before. I haven't really kept in touch with the astronomy group...I'm not feeling very social.
> >> Ok, people don't wish death upon me. Ok, can I assume that everyone here doesn't wish death upon me? Ok, will do. I hope I am correct...it is so hard to tell, esp. about whether or not Dr. Bob wishes death upon me.<<
>
> That's right. No one here ever wishes that.I'm so convinced sometimes that people wish death on me. I don't know why, I just do. Then other times it is about revenge I think. But sometimes I don't think I'm ready to die yet because I want to be really physically fit and have perfectly clear skin before I die. I know this doesn't make much sense right?
>And I don't think you mean that about Dr. Bob. What makes it so hard to tell?
Because...he can never answer my questions. When I ask, "Do you wish death upon me?", he cannot answer it because he doesn't participate, so now I assume that he does wish death upon me. There is no way to know for sure. I guess it should't matter if he does or doesn't wish death upon me since he can't say either way. But...it may be a problem for me since sometimes I want to make things easier for him because he seems like a nice person and maybe my death will be a favor cuz my posts are disruptive.
>Remember, you wrote a while back that Dr. Bob was "benevolent?" And, if I recall, he thanked you? You were 100% right, you know.
I don't know, what if he was being sarcastic? "Thanks" can sound good or bad...it changes so much. I don't know if I can trust my interpretions anymore.
> Would he act like that, and would he put energy and time into a place like this if he was capable of wishing death on posters?I don't know, maybe it is only me...cuz I've been so bad.
> Maybe print out and add this post to your collection of things to show your pdoc when she's back?This might be silly to do...besides, she doesn't have time to read my posts. Plus I tell her everything. But it doesn't matter, I don't want to bother her anymore. She's on maternity leave and I don't need to see her when she comes back. I've wasted enough time already...it's time for other students to take my place...there needs to be a high turnover or else her workload will only get bigger and bigger.
I'm seeing my family doc tomorrow, the one I haven't seen in years. I wonder what I should say to get her to give me meds so that I can experiment on myself? I gotta be smart...beat the system. I don't like her very much, I don't think she knows what she's doing. Once she told my Mom to not expect me to go to university because I might go running naked around the streets?!? I think she might be a little crazy.
> jenny is a worthwhile, caring and likeable person who deserves LIFE, okay? :-)
Ok, if you say so :-) It will be so fun to meet you guys. I can show you pics of my hamster. Sometimes there are charity events where people can climb the CN tower, I wonder when? I want to do that someday!
> Get out and try to see some beauty in nature, or something like that. I'm going to make myself take a walk, no matter how lazy and blah I feel.During the first snowfall of last year it was so beautiful. I was walking to one of my classes and these huge, gigantic fluffy wet clumps fell from the sky and it was amazing. I just stopped and stood there looking at it. I hope I didn't look too crazy...my sister said I was crazy to do that.
> Take care, talk to you soon - 10derHeartThanks 10derHeart :-)
jenny (I like the lowercase j, I'm not confident enough for J)
poster:Deneb
thread:505771
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050525/msgs/505888.html