Posted by TamaraJ on March 2, 2005, at 14:01:29
In reply to Re: Kara, my turn. How you are doing? » TamaraJ, posted by KaraS on March 1, 2005, at 21:48:45
> Hi,
>
> > Sorry I didn't remember you saying that about your fathers mood swings. My memory isn't the greatest these days (and doxepin doesn't help that either). So it sounds like you might be open to the possibility that you may have some bipolarity. We're probably on the same page on this one - we think there may be some of that or else it's hormonal. I think that if your doctor was going by the old definitions of bipolar illness then neither of us would qualify but the newer definitions include so much more than the extremes of depression and hypomania. The only symptom I have is that I get periods of agitation that aren't related to what's going on my life. That was enough for my pdoc to think I might benefit from adding a mood stabilizer.
>
-- I get the agitation as well. Sometimes I am so agitated that I feel like I could crawl out of my skin. The other thing I get, at times, is this extreme impatience. I keep it all inside, but sometimes I feel like I will explode. Like when I am in the grocery store or at the mall or walking along the sidewalk, and people are walking slow and cutting me off, etc., in my mind I am yelling one expletive after another.
> > >
> You're not a fraud! You did what you thought was best at the time. You probably hadn't even fully admitted to yourself the extent of your problem. That's a fairly normal response. You probably figured you wouldn't make too many waves and get the problem fixed in the meantime. Unfortunately it was harder to fix that you had anticipated. Besides, most people don't tell their supervisors the full scoop because they're concerned about their jobs. You can explain to your pdoc the next time you see him what the story is and how much more severe you think the problem is than you dared to admit.
>
-- I talked to him today. I don't think he had planned to call me back. But, I had called the office to make a follow-up appointment and he answered the phone (weird). We had a nice talk, and he has prescribed Nortriptyline. I couldn't believe it. He said I could try it, altough he doesn't think it is any different than Anafranil.> Cancelling an appointment and failing to make another one quickly are not grounds for being fed up with you and not calling you back!! If he has any compassion at all, he should be able to see that you're struggling right now and that you need his help. I can't stand most of these doctors and their egos. Also, if you have to fight tooth and nail just to get basic treatment, then maybe you're better off elsewhere anyway. If he doesn't call you back, then let him handle the people who are fine just taking the latest SSRI and who won't ask for anything more than that from him.
>
-- I think part of the problem was his former secretary. She could be quite rude and controlling at times. He is actually quite nice, but he finds it difficult to treat over the phone. I suppose I can understand, but body language is only one aspect of a diagnosis. When we talked about a new AD or re-trying Anafranil, he said what about Effexor. I reminded him that I had tried it for about 6 months and experienced severe night sweats, myclonus, apathy and some increased anxiety. In all fairness to him, he had forgotten and didn't have my file in front of him.
>
> Yikes, that headache sounds horrible! Yes, I can see why you'd be scared. I was picturing a dull kind of an ache but it sounds much worse than that. That would definitely be hard to take on a full time basis! I hope that goes away. Yes, it does take a toll when we keep experiencing failures. You have responded in the past and I've had at least a partial response so we're not completely treatment resistant. It's just a matter of finding the right medicine or combo of meds and hopefully we can tolerate them. Did you read any of the post on the rEEG or QEEG diagnostics? This kind of brain mapping shows the doctors what is actually going on in the brains of depressed people. They then compare your pictures to those of people who have had success on certain meds. The doctors had less guesswork this way and they had much more success (I can't remember the exact figures) than doctors who just talked to people and then suggested meds. Of course then you still have to be able to tolerate the meds that they recommend. I thought it was fascinating reading about this and if I don't have much luck in the near future and I can get some health insurance, then I'm going to try to have this done. IMHO, time is too precious to waste much more of it trying things blindly.
>
-- The first headache kind of scared me because it was so piercing. But, they didn't last too long, so that was good. I haven't read the thread on rEEG. Sounds interesting. I'll have to check that one out. I agree, if there is something available that could take the guesswork out of prescribing meds, then people should be able to take advantage of it. I sometimes wonder if doctors realize how much one failed drug trial after another affects a person's outlook. I mean, it can be hard enough to deal with the start-up side effects, then only to find out 6 weeks later that you have not responded and have another med with its own side effects to try. I agree with you that time is too precious. Do you think that by moving in with your friend you will be able to get some insurance?
>
> If only these meds (Zoloft and Effexor) were stimulating when I took them before. I mean I wish that they had stimulated me to get going and get things done. I've also been reading about treatments that involve surgery and thinking for the first time that I might be desperate enough to try them - anything to make me feel like I want to get out of bed in the morning!
>
-- I saw part of a clip on the news last night or the night before about I think it must have been the Vagus Nerve Stimulator. That involved surgergy as well. The clip said that 8 of the 10 people who participated in the trial responded and are now depression free. That's encouraging.
>
> It would take most of my waking hours to do all of things that I want to treat my condition esp. considering that I am not able to get moving until several hours after I've woken up. It's probably unrealistic to assume that I'll be able to do all of the things I've listed but I have made progress and I think it's beginning to pay off. I have a long way to go however. I just hope I can keep the momentum going.
> > >
-- I think as long as you are making an effort and doing what you can, then that is progress. Take it one thing at a time. And, if it is beginning to pay off, then that is very encouraging and incentive to keep trying. I find sometimes I make this big list of things I want to do - yoga, join a gym, longer walks; dance class, book club, . . . And, then I just feel overwhelmed with everything I want to do that I don't do hardly any of it. So, I am starting to make smaller, more achievable goals -one or two things at a time (well, when I am feeling a bit better). I don't know about you, but I find I sometimes sabatoge myself by being over-ambitious and impatient for results.
>
> I hate that you have to worry about ticking off your doctor. We should be able to provide information and have some input in our own treatment. But realistically, you do have to appease him at least until you decide you want to go elsewhere. I wish you good luck if you try the clomipramine again and/or the aminos. I may try tryptophan or 5-htp myself soon. As for the MAOIs, I really like cheese too but I'd gladly trade that for a good antidepressant effect. It's my fear of hypertension and other side effects that has kept me from tyring them so far.
>
-- I surprised myself with him today. I was worried about ticking him off, but I stood my ground. And, he was very good about it. So, right now, I will try the nort with the Celexa. My stomach has finally settled down (again) so I don't know if I want to take any chances with the Provigil. Maybe once I have been on the nort for a while (if it works), I will try Provigil again. You may find the L-Trytophan may be worth a try. Jas seems to have had pretty good results with it, with the exception of some insomnia. I tried 5-HTP last summer for about a week or so at 50mg and it just left me feeling groggy and tired in the morning. I have never tried Tryptophan though. L-Tyrosine at a low dose may give you some energy, increase motivation and decrease apathy. Last fall I ordered a very low dose (250 mg) to trial. The first time I tried it, I was using 500mg, two or three times a day and it was a bit much. I think, if I try it again, a lower dose might be better tolerated. Like Larry always says - Start low and go slow. But, who knows, maybe you will be able to try a MAOI in the near future after you move in with your friend and have some extra money.
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> Same to you. I find our talks very therapeutic.
>
-- I do as well. Take care, and I'll talk to you soon.Tamara
>
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poster:TamaraJ
thread:456548
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050224/msgs/465478.html