Posted by KaraS on March 1, 2005, at 21:48:45
In reply to Re: Kara, my turn. How you are doing? » KaraS, posted by TamaraJ on March 1, 2005, at 18:33:43
Hi,
> -- Thanks Kara. You're right! We do have reason to rant! I remember last fall you talking about your pdoc thinking you may be "soft bipolar". Lithium orotate may be just what you need. It might even help quell your anxiety as well. There is no diagnosed bipolar in my family. As I mentioned before, my dad had many symptoms, especially the extreme highs and then a crash. I guess, however, we never know what our grandparents and great aunts and uncles may have suffered from. There may be a hereditary link somewhere that we just aren't aware of. It's funny because my family doctor sent me to the pdoc because she thought I might be bipolar. I was surprised because of my age. I raised it with the pdoc during the first visit and he said no that I was just very hyper. I have gone through periods where I have been quite impulsive and had probably what some might consider hypomania, but the lows have never really been bad. Some of these periods were cycle related, but not all.
Sorry I didn't remember you saying that about your fathers mood swings. My memory isn't the greatest these days (and doxepin doesn't help that either). So it sounds like you might be open to the possibility that you may have some bipolarity. We're probably on the same page on this one - we think there may be some of that or else it's hormonal. I think that if your doctor was going by the old definitions of bipolar illness then neither of us would qualify but the newer definitions include so much more than the extremes of depression and hypomania. The only symptom I have is that I get periods of agitation that aren't related to what's going on my life. That was enough for my pdoc to think I might benefit from adding a mood stabilizer.
> -- I feel like such a fraud. I have tried so hard to keep a smile on my face and in my voice when speaking with my friends from work and my boss. I haven't been entirely honest with my boss about the severity of the depression. I wasn't even completely honest with the pdoc or my doctor when I think about it. I didn't do myself any favours I guess. I was afraid of what they would do to me or think of me if I shared with them the dark thoughts I was having. Oh well. Live and learn. The pdoc has not called me back yet. I hope he does. I hope he isn't that cold-hearted that he wouldn't call back. He cancelled my last appointment and I had a conflict (with the surgeon) with the only two alternative times he had available. And, I forgot to make another appointment. He must be fed up with me.You're not a fraud! You did what you thought was best at the time. You probably hadn't even fully admitted to yourself the extent of your problem. That's a fairly normal response. You probably figured you wouldn't make too many waves and get the problem fixed in the meantime. Unfortunately it was harder to fix that you had anticipated. Besides, most people don't tell their supervisors the full scoop because they're concerned about their jobs. You can explain to your pdoc the next time you see him what the story is and how much more severe you think the problem is than you dared to admit.
Cancelling an appointment and failing to make another one quickly are not grounds for being fed up with you and not calling you back!! If he has any compassion at all, he should be able to see that you're struggling right now and that you need his help. I can't stand most of these doctors and their egos. Also, if you have to fight tooth and nail just to get basic treatment, then maybe you're better off elsewhere anyway. If he doesn't call you back, then let him handle the people who are fine just taking the latest SSRI and who won't ask for anything more than that from him.
> -- You are very fortunate to have found such a good, understanding, open-minded and compassionate pdoc. That's great. It makes a difference I would imagine when you feel comfortable and safe and know that the person has your best interests at heart and allows you to be an active participant in your treatment. Not many like that around. I am sure he knows how much you appreciate him. When you're up to it, perhaps you can find a really meaningful card and send it to him. I have often been touched more by a thoughtful card and the time the person spent in chosing just the right card than a gift.
Yes, I am very lucky to have found him. I didn't fully appreciate him until recently either. I didn't have the kind of rapport with him that I had with my female pdoc when I lived back east. I think that's because I talked to her about my problems whereas this guy deals basically with meds. But I've grown to see how kind and compassionate he is. I think it's a good idea to send a card. At least he'll know how much I truly appreciate his help.
> -- That's good that it is under control or in partial remission. Depression and anxiety are hard enough to deal with, things don't need to get even more complicated and distressing by adding CFS into the mix.
I don't think I could have coped with bad CFS bouts on top of the current situation.
> -- I didn't take any Provigil today and no nausea or headache. I may try again tomorrow to see what my reaction is. The headache was intermittent, but it was like one side of my head was being pierced by a knife. It was kind of scary at first. I agree, it would be nice if we had some inkling of how we would respond to the meds we have been prescribed. It starts to take its toll after a while when we experience one failure after another.
Yikes, that headache sounds horrible! Yes, I can see why you'd be scared. I was picturing a dull kind of an ache but it sounds much worse than that. That would definitely be hard to take on a full time basis! I hope that goes away. Yes, it does take a toll when we keep experiencing failures. You have responded in the past and I've had at least a partial response so we're not completely treatment resistant. It's just a matter of finding the right medicine or combo of meds and hopefully we can tolerate them. Did you read any of the post on the rEEG or QEEG diagnostics? This kind of brain mapping shows the doctors what is actually going on in the brains of depressed people. They then compare your pictures to those of people who have had success on certain meds. The doctors had less guesswork this way and they had much more success (I can't remember the exact figures) than doctors who just talked to people and then suggested meds. Of course then you still have to be able to tolerate the meds that they recommend. I thought it was fascinating reading about this and if I don't have much luck in the near future and I can get some health insurance, then I'm going to try to have this done. IMHO, time is too precious to waste much more of it trying things blindly.
> -- I'm sorry about the Zoloft. I don't think you are alone though (not that it's any consolation :-(). Some people have a hard time with it because of increased anxiety and agitation. I think it tends to be more activating than other SSRIs. I understand how discouraging it can be to be searching for the elusive med that will provide some measure of relief. Sometimes, even moderate relief would be welcome. I wonder if the Lithium you are thinking about adding eventually might help even out the effect of a more activating AD? I guess all we can hang on to is hope. As long as there are ADs we haven't tried, then there is still hope. But, I know that every failed trial brings with it a bit of discouragement.
If only these meds (Zoloft and Effexor) were stimulating when I took them before. I mean I wish that they had stimulated me to get going and get things done. I've also been reading about treatments that involve surgery and thinking for the first time that I might be desperate enough to try them - anything to make me feel like I want to get out of bed in the morning!
> -- You have to do what you think is best for you. It's good that you have enough emotional energy to be thinking about the things you want to do to help you recover. One thing at a time is a good credo. A support group would be wonderful and a great place to be among and learn from people who have been, or are going through, similar experiences. It is something I would like to do as well. Energy, drive and motivation - I hear you! That's the goal!It would take most of my waking hours to do all of things that I want to treat my condition esp. considering that I am not able to get moving until several hours after I've woken up. It's probably unrealistic to assume that I'll be able to do all of the things I've listed but I have made progress and I think it's beginning to pay off. I have a long way to go however. I just hope I can keep the momentum going.
> >
> -- I may well try the aminos again, maybe even this week. And, I may cave in and try the Clomipramine again and see if I can keep my blood pressure up with more salt tablets so that I can go up to 75mg. I don't know if I would ever be able to stick to the MAOI diet - I am a very fussy eater, and absolutely love cheese. I just hope the pdoc calls me back. In my e-mail to him I explained that I had suggested nort because some people had suggested that the side effects were less severe and it was better tolerated than clomipramine. Maybe that might help change his mind. Ed (ed_uk) had provided me with an article that validated that, so I could always e-mail that him for information. But, then again, I don't want to tick him off any more than I may already have :-)I hate that you have to worry about ticking off your doctor. We should be able to provide information and have some input in our own treatment. But realistically, you do have to appease him at least until you decide you want to go elsewhere. I wish you good luck if you try the clomipramine again and/or the aminos. I may try tryptophan or 5-htp myself soon. As for the MAOIs, I really like cheese too but I'd gladly trade that for a good antidepressant effect. It's my fear of hypertension and other side effects that has kept me from tyring them so far.
> -- That's right. We will keep fighting the good fight!There are no other good alternatives.
> -- Right back atcha Kara. And, thanks for your kindness and understanding.
Same to you. I find our talks very therapeutic.
Kara
poster:KaraS
thread:456548
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050224/msgs/465216.html