Posted by gardenergirl on March 30, 2004, at 12:25:04
In reply to Re: Oops » gardenergirl, posted by Dinah on March 30, 2004, at 9:51:45
Dinah,
I think he was wondering what my plans were. A lot of students go home for the summer or at least stop therapy. And next year is internship year. So I think he was wondering if I had done enough to want to stop due to these milestone dates coming up. He asked me what my expectation for duration was when I started. I told him that at the time it felt so helpful and I felt so bad, that I could see seeing him forever! He laughed at that, but did not say that I couldn't continue to see him through internship year next year. Yet another reason to want to stay in town for that.Or maybe he thinks it's time? I do feel pretty good. I really like that feeling, but the last time I felt good and then had to take a break because I was in Florida, the depression came back and I felt like I was dependent on him to continue to feel good. This feels different, though.
I think what we are doing now is getting beyond all of the pain that was just pouring out of me and always at the surface. That's why I feel good, I think. That well is no longer spilling over, but is well contained.
So what to do now? I think I could taper and stop and be okay. But I recently brought a dream into therapy that we interpreted two ways: one was very supportive and probably based on manifest content. The other he hinted at was uncovering and was probably based on latent content. It was pulling at more primitive and archaic feelings which I think I initially felt great anxiety for and perhaps shame. But between sessions, I really thought about it, and came up with the uncovering interpretation on my own. When I shared it with him at the end of my session yesterday, he actually saluted me! That felt good. But even better, I could handle the interpretation. So, I think I am interested in going more into an analytic type therapy. Still with him, but I think we can shift some into deeper unconcious and archaic things, and it seems like it will be okay. I won't start pouring out of control again.
At least that is my thought for now. If I do start feeling like it is getting too intense, I intend to back off or take a break until I've proposed my dissertation.
Ramble ramble ramble. Can you tell I'm second guessing myself about how dependent I feel at times and whether that's good or "bad"?
Thanks for asking!
gg
poster:gardenergirl
thread:329117
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040324/msgs/330336.html