Posted by Emme on July 2, 2003, at 22:40:15
I *was* doing much better. I was out of agony at least. But something happened tonight to set me back. A lively debate with an old friend. I didn't think it was viscious or anything like that, but we both have opinions. I obviously frustrated and tired him and he said he was tired and left (we'd been planning to get a movie). I should have been more in tune with his being stressed out to start with. I sent an e-mail message saying I was sorry he left feeling frustrated and suggesting we try to get back to enjoying each other's company by planning something fun.
But that doesn't help me. I am feeling such overpowering guilt that I can't stand it. In the past half hour I've cut myself in several places because I need to do something to punish myself and ease the guilt. I feel like I could keep doing it. I also feel like I could just take all of my medicine and swallow it, but I know I'm at least in control of that impulse. I just feel like a bad bad person.
poster:Emme
thread:238884
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030626/msgs/238884.html