Posted by LyndaK on November 10, 2001, at 2:14:42
In reply to Unhappy spouse, posted by Gracie2 on November 6, 2001, at 18:27:51
Hmmmmm .... Funny how we think we're the "only one" that is facing a certain situation until we find out how much company we have. Just my 2 cents ... I found that just working hard at my own recovery (often times in the face of my husband complaining and guilting me and sabotaging my efforts) was the best thing for "us". Staying on my meds, staying in therapy, and staying in contact with my friends helped me get on more secure footing emotionally. I'm more in touch with my feelings and can express them better. I'm more conscious about the importance of communicating what I think and feel and grant my own opinions validity. I don't buy into his hurtful criticism so easily and am able to see it for the manipulative maneuver that it is. And when the criticism is valid I can accept it without feeling like I have to go kill myself now. But it's not easy. I feel resentment that I took steps to get a little more clued-in about myself while he's still running around clueless. Our marriage is still troubled and I still feel like leaving at times ... but I'm still hangin'!
Keep doing the work for yourself. And don't leave your recovery sitting in your therapist's office (like I did for too long). Take it home with you. Start applying it. It won't be automatic; you have to think about it. Something only becomes automatic after you've repeated it a lot!
Well I guess that was more like 20 cents!
Hang in there!
Lynda
> I just wondered how everyone else is doing with their spouse/significant other. My husband was supportive at first but now he seems to be getting tired of me and my emotional problems. He is growing distant and resentful that I'm not working much. Everything is my fault. I asked him if he wanted to go to marriage counseling but he said that was just "mud-slinging".
> Still, things are going from bad to worse, and I'm starting to wonder what I would do by myself after living with the same man for 18 years. I suppose he is going through a mid-life crisis. He wants a wife who is cheerful and industrious and organized and neat and friendly, a "normal" person who socializes easily, has no need for a psychiatrist, does not suffer from mood swings or any other mental aberration, particularly the really bad days I have from time to time, when I cry easily and don't want to get out of bed.
> Maybe he will leave, I don't know. I can't become that person he wants, much as I would like to. But it is so strange to think of being alone after all these years.
> -G
poster:LyndaK
thread:13594
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011105/msgs/13747.html