Posted by tina on November 7, 2001, at 9:33:14
In reply to Re: Unhappy spouse, posted by wendy b. on November 7, 2001, at 0:30:44
"Wouldn't it be nice if he could just put his arm around your shoulder, and say: "Can I get you a cup of tea?" or something, when you feel like you can't get out of bed."I have a husband who does that and it just makes me feel sooooo guilty for not being able to be what he needs.
I liked Greg's comments about being overly sensitive to others feelings. It's a part of my illness. I always assume I know exactly what the other person is thinking or feeling and I always assume it's negative toward me. Like I'm a burden or they don't want to listen to me again.....or I bet he thinks I'm a lazy good for nothing lay about. Greg's right, don't change who you are. Your SO may indeed have no idea what he wants and may be going through his own crisis. Councelling would be a great thing but I suspect your husband doesn't want to look too deeply at himself right now and is afraid. He is probably lashing out at you due to some of his own inadequacy fears. He probably gets angry because "as the man" he should be able to "fix" you and he can't. You should be happy with HIM, but you're not. It's likely insecurities on his own part that make him less than supportive of you. He feels helpless and useless and is blaming you for it. Your illness reflects badly on his ability to be a man in the eyes of his peers/family whatever cuz men 'fix' stuff....
However, of course it is not your fault. Like Wendy said, if you had cancer, he wouldn't blame you but he would still feel just as helpless and would probably still have the inadequate feelings and misplaced anger. I think a little education about your illness would do him some good. Would he be willing to read up on it or talk to an impartial party who can explain it to him??my best to both of you
Tina
poster:tina
thread:13594
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011105/msgs/13610.html