Posted by wendy b. on November 7, 2001, at 0:30:44
In reply to Unhappy spouse, posted by Gracie2 on November 6, 2001, at 18:27:51
>Sorry Gracie - just rambling on - but please don't try to 'become the person that he wants.' If he's anything like me, he has no idea what he wants.
Gracie,I think Greg's comments (except the woman/car analogy!?) are very much on target. Your 'problems' are just something to bitch about because like Glen says, he doesn't know what he wants, either... But still, within that, he is trying to control you and may I say, manipulate you. Like you need to keep the money coming in, or he won't love you? What is that about?
So he complains at you, instead of being supportive of you. Wouldn't it be nice if he could just put his arm around your shoulder, and say: "Can I get you a cup of tea?" or something, when you feel like you can't get out of bed. Why the hell can't he do that, huh, would that be SO HARD? after all the years and the kids and the support you've given him? Didn't you mention one time you put him through school? What the hell was that? Sounds like you were 'the woman he wanted you to be' then, right? Sounds 'supportive' to me... I bet he wasn't exactly Prince Charming to live with when he was a student. So just think of it this way: IT'S PAYBACK TIME!!
No seriously, though. You're ill. What if you had breast cancer or something? Would he be blaming you for having that? I doubt it. Also, bitching and moaning about you and your problems means he doesn't have to look himself in the mirror. As long as the focus is on *you*, he can just keep being the 'together' one. Bullshit. You sound very honest and open, not someone who's difficult to talk to, not unloving, not unkind.
Just my random thoughts, I wish you well, I hope your husband realizes what a treasure he has, before it's too late...
best,
Wendy
poster:wendy b.
thread:13594
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011105/msgs/13606.html