Posted by kid_A on November 9, 2001, at 9:18:19
In reply to Re: Cutting... Can anyone identify? Everyone...., posted by akc on November 8, 2001, at 19:00:51
akc,
(While there may be some biochemical reasons behind why self-harm is so effective as a release, there is for me much more to it -- the act itself holds meaning.)yes, it does, it's like putting yourself up on the alter for sacrifice, yet you are your own punisher, the sacrificer as well as the offering... To me, like i said its a ritual of sorts... And when it's all done, when the act is complete somehow I've ripped my soul out of myself and brought it back to life... When right before i felt so inhuman, somehow i've come to terms w/ my own inate humanity...
And there is control, no one is doing this to me, i am doing it... i am the author of the act, i am the one wielding the razor... i think of them more as battle scars in a war with depression, war wounds from the front... We're at war with ourselves, fighting to stay sane in whatever way we can rip that from ourselves... in anyway possible... cutting just happens to do that for me... After that incident i went up both on my AD and my AP so maybe that will straighten out my emotions... Sometimes its better to feel nothing at all, then to feel imense agony...
thank you so much for your comments. sometimes knowing that there is someone else who feels and does the same as you makes it less shamefull, in some aspects more rational... as crazy as that seems.
(an amnesiac healing)
poster:kid_A
thread:13645
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011105/msgs/13704.html