Posted by wendy b. on November 9, 2001, at 22:24:11
In reply to Re: Cutting... Can anyone identify? Everyone.... » akc, posted by kid_A on November 9, 2001, at 9:18:19
>(Anyway, your post comes at an interesting time. Thanks for posting it -- it takes courage to admit that you self-harm.
akc)
>(Because cutting is rare, it is a rough thing for people to understand, and I think that includes doctors.akc)
Dear Everyone,
I cut and pasted AKC's remarks because, yes, it takes courage to admit you cut, but as I understand it, no it's not rare.
I also agree, the dramatic handling of cutting on ER last night was a *little* over-the-top, but Carter had an obligation to help the woman, she was clearly almost hitting bottom. And the thing I like about ER is that their writers have their ears to the ground about the issue of self-harm, and it brings the issue into the consciousness of a lot of people who never would have thought about it.
I feel for everyone who has posted here very much. I am trying to understand the reasons people cut, and how it feels when you cut. I value everyone's honesty and openness. I am in group therapy with several women who are younger than me, and they all have cut, or still do, or struggle with cutting from time to time. When we first discussed the topic of 'Stress,' and how we cope with it, everyone in the room except me said cutting was one way they dealt with stress. I went home that night horrified, I felt that I didn't have 'serious' problems like that, thinking I was maybe in the wrong group, I was only BP II, right? - Of course, it turns out it has been a very good group, it's been very mutually supportive and honest. After reading some more about cutting, (there have been some long threads on PSB in the past), and talking about it in group, I have a better understanding. The therapist says, "We talk about it as if it is a dirty little secret that we wish we could hide in a closet. Like you're the only ones doing it. It's not ONLY you, cutting is reaching near-epidemic proportions." So I thought I would add these comments...
you are all in my thoughts tonight,
Wendy
> akc,
> (While there may be some biochemical reasons behind why self-harm is so effective as a release, there is for me much more to it -- the act itself holds meaning.)
>
> yes, it does, it's like putting yourself up on the alter for sacrifice, yet you are your own punisher, the sacrificer as well as the offering... To me, like i said its a ritual of sorts... And when it's all done, when the act is complete somehow I've ripped my soul out of myself and brought it back to life... When right before i felt so inhuman, somehow i've come to terms w/ my own inate humanity...
>
> And there is control, no one is doing this to me, i am doing it... i am the author of the act, i am the one wielding the razor... i think of them more as battle scars in a war with depression, war wounds from the front... We're at war with ourselves, fighting to stay sane in whatever way we can rip that from ourselves... in anyway possible... cutting just happens to do that for me... After that incident i went up both on my AD and my AP so maybe that will straighten out my emotions... Sometimes its better to feel nothing at all, then to feel imense agony...
>
> thank you so much for your comments. sometimes knowing that there is someone else who feels and does the same as you makes it less shamefull, in some aspects more rational... as crazy as that seems.
>
> (an amnesiac healing)
poster:wendy b.
thread:13645
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011105/msgs/13742.html