Posted by mair on April 4, 2001, at 19:08:21
Noa - you responded to one of my posts a couple of weeks ago and I feel that i owe you an apology for not getting back to you. Things have really been pretty awful and altho I've found this site to be a real source of support in the past, it's been hard lately to generate the energy to visit much. I miss some of the people who seem to have disappeared or who only now post occasionally, and I think in my vulnerable state I didn't want to risk posting and receiving no response. (Chris' invisibility syndrome) Also it seemed unfair to ask for support when I really had nothing I could offer in return.
What I fear about hospitals is 1) the unknown, 2) the negative reviews I read so many times on this board; 3) having too many friends, neighbors, colleagues etc find out about it; 4) worrying about how my kids would deal with it and what they'd feel and think about me; and 5) simply not seeing the point in a case where major med changes weren't being contemplated. I don't understand what a hospital is going to do that's going to make me feel any better or less suicidal when I get out.
Fortunately, this seems to be a moot issue right now. A slight meds change has alleviated the worst side effects and I've been able to less equivocally promise my therapist that I'll be there for the next session and that I'll call her if i think I'm going to hurt myself. She seems to be happy enough with that for the time being.
Thanks again
ksvt nka mair
poster:mair
thread:5489
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010404/msgs/5489.html