Posted by shar on October 12, 2000, at 21:19:16
In reply to Friends, posted by Cass on October 12, 2000, at 18:40:31
I think the bottom line is everyone has the right to their own opinions. And we are humans with different thoughts on different topics, unlikely to change.
Now, the troubling part to me is in the situation you describe. What about when that difference begins to affect the friendship negatively? Or, especially, what about a romantic relationship? Does one simply avoid topics on which they have different opinions?
My therapist says one of the BIG key things that will enhance relationships is accepting differences. She talks about this in a way that I take to mean depersonalizing it if your friend or partner has a different opinion than you. Thus, it would be ok for one person to differ radically from the other on a topic, and the important point is just that there is a difference and it doesn't mean anything personal, and your friend or partner does not have to believe as you do (as much as we might like it if they did), and it's not a matter of convincing them about who is right/wrong, or that they should change. It's just "their spot" on the issue. As separate people, there will often be two "spots" and not just one (where the two agree).
I believe that putting someone down for holding a certain view or rolling eyes is rude and immature (although we may feel like doing it).
For a friendship, I imagine it is important to have some common beliefs on major issues, or at least one issue, or why be friends? In a romantic relationship, if people don't agree on some major sex and money issues, that can lead to problems IMO.
But, you don't have to talk about the stuff that stirs things up, especially on your birthday. Are there other topics you can think of beforehand to discuss? As the "birthday girl" you should get to pick......
Or, bring a friend?
Good luck, and happy birthday!!
Shar
poster:shar
thread:1011
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20001011/msgs/1015.html