Posted by Squiggles on September 27, 2007, at 16:30:39
In reply to Re: emotional abusers + victims, how do you know? » Clari, posted by Quintal on September 27, 2007, at 16:20:05
> There are serial abusers, and there are also serial victims, and people who have no history of either sometimes fall into the hands of an abuser. I guess they're the real victims then? I don't know. Human relationships don't take place in a vacuum, so it's hard to get clear-cut distinctions like this. I guess there's a tendency for people to retaliate to provocation, and this provocation can take many forms, and may indeed be invisible to outsiders who are unaware of all the hidden nuances between partners. In this case the victim can quite easily be painted as the abuser. This is a very frustrating situation to be in. I've experienced it several times myself, firstly with my mother. I find time tends to out all truth.
I agree that i is a difficult concept to define, and may even be transient and episodic and not necessarily an inherent or genetic trait of a person. After all, everyone exercises some degree of abuse under some stressful situtations. To merit the word "abuser" someone has to be like that with everyone, and for most of his/her life in interacting with people and achieving/her aims. That could be a learned thing or a passive/aggressive method of solving problems, or a genetic traint to bullying.
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> How do you respond to being away from your partner for any length of time? I guess if you were the abuser these patterns would continue with other people. If you were the victim I think you'd start to feel better after spending time away from your partner.Good question, and sadly revealing-- with a peaceful state of mind and sense of control and self-esteem. I feel controlled with some bullies for example and under stress. But of course familiarity also builds bonds. Say no more.
Squiggles
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