Posted by Squiggles on September 17, 2007, at 14:04:07
In reply to Re: emotional abusers + victims, how do you know?, posted by Clari on September 17, 2007, at 3:09:21
> I ask because I am unsure whether I am the abuser or the victim.
>
> My partner says I am the abuser (not in so many words, of course, but that I am the one behaving badly).
>
> I'm starting to think that maybe I'm not solely responsible for our (almost) daily arguments, and that maybe I'm dealing with a controlling partner.
>
> Then again, I have a history of relationship sabotage, so maybe I am just seeing the behaviour I want to see in order to leave. Maybe I am behaving badly, and I want to blame that on someone else.Well, unless you are a Freudian or Jungian type searching for the unclear, i tend to stick with Ockham's razor-- for example, i had no doubt that O.J. Simpson was the abuser in the 1986 murder case. Ditto Paul Bernardo. They were behaving badly. I don't think it is that mysterious to see by an outsider. I've seen it in friends' relationships and it's only when rationalizations are sought by therapists that the other party is question -- of course it often takes too, but observation is the best- by friends, relatives and children.
poster:Squiggles
thread:783008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20070210/msgs/783480.html