Posted by Margie24 on June 14, 2005, at 0:04:54
In reply to Margie, Please Accept My Apologies, posted by Susan47 on June 12, 2005, at 23:07:54
I'm back from the wedding. It was unbelieveable. I've never witnessed behavior like I saw this weekend before in my life. On the positive side, I got to see my mother stand stronger than I have ever seen her before. She was amazing and example of something I hope I can be eventually. On the negative side, we all recieved undeniable confirmation of our worst fears. This girl is worse than we thought. I'm in so much pain. I pray constantly. I don't want to respond becasue it hurts. I was so positive. But I owe it to you guys. I slept all day today and got up only to read your posts.
I'll just say this. My sisters and I, most of all my mom, smiled till the end. We acted 'as if'. We questioned ourselves, and our behaviors. We did precisely what we believed our brother would want. He told my dad before the wedding he just wanted us to support him, and we did.
Here goes...
At the ceremony, we were escorted to the FOURTH row. My older sister asked if we could sit closer and he said, how bout here. we sat in third row. No one sat in front of us. SIL's (sister-in-law) brother's girlfriend was told to sit in front row and she said it loud so we could hear. During the vows, the bridesmaids (these horrible snobs) glanced directly (and ONLY) at my sister and I several times. They actually had to turn their necks! At the ceremony, the 3 sisters were excluded from the photos. When photographer was finsihed, she asked if anyone had any other ideas, pictures, etc. My mom said well, they liked the stained glass so much, how about getting a pic. of them there. My SIL's mother bursts out and says 'we're in charge here.' My stunned mother says, 'oh' and sits in a pew. My bros best man comes over, puts his arm around her and say 'i think that was a great idea'. (thank god)
During the reception, the bride and groom never left their seats. Only to do the dance and cut cake. To congratulate them, I would have had to face the table of glaring bridemaids. Beyond that, I'd never been to a wedding that was sit-down the entire time. I saw no one else go over and I wasn;t sure that was the etiquette. I thought, if I stayed out of the sight of SIL, she'd be most happy anyway. Apparently not, when my BIL went to say goodbye, SIL's mom (who'd been glaring at me periodically) asked him when I was going to come over and thank her. (!!) When he said goodbye to SIL and bro, SIL said it has broken their heart that I have not come over. (!!) BUT, when my older sister went over to the table to ask if she could get a picture with them and all of our family who came, SIL painfully got up and as they prepared for the photo says, "can't we just do this after the wedding, we're trying to eat our cake." The tone was horrible (honestly). I swear you had to be there to believe it. My sister was so shocked, we all were. She turned and walked away. SIL grabbed my bro's hand and they walk off. That wasn't the worst though. After the dance, was a toast from the best man and father. Afterward, with my bro and SIL still standing there, my mother walks up and says "May I say something." SIL says "come on", grabs my bros hand and they walk off, leaving her their with people staring. There were other things, there are also things I could tell you that would be more like perceptions or just vibes, but I won't get into all that.
ANYONE who has read this thread must think I am leaving something out or exaggerating. Like, what did you do to this girl. I wish, more than anything, I knew. All I know is we love our brother and she knows that. We are good people and don;t have temper tantrums in public. We are not ugly to people. We don't look down on people.
I believe without pain you don;t grow as a person. I mean REALLY grow. I've been asked to continue to love my brother and support him. I know that's what "god" would ask of me. I don;t have that strength right now. I love my bro as he was years ago and I love who I thought he was. I can't let this girl into my life anymore. She is not welcome into my home or life for the way she treated my mother. I don't feel anger anymore. I feel disgust and confusion.
I went there with the intention of starting over. I actually began to blame myself, thinking I didn;t do everything I could have to make her feel like she was a part of the family, totally accepted. She says we didn;t welcome her. She is so hurt by our actions. But the truth of the matter is, she had to be hurt by us. We HAD to do something to her in order for her to get what she wanted.
I have a question for you all (if you've made it to the end of this novel). When the thought of a person and their actions eats you alive, and you realize the only thing you can do is not think of it anymore, TO ACCEPT IT, to let it go...HOW DO YOU DO THAT? I want to more than anything right now.
Some have suggested having lunch or something with her. Before this wedding, I would have. I even bought her this gold pineapple bookmark once I got there, which symbolizes "welcome". I won't give it to her, becasue she's not. I feel cheated, disrespected, put on display. I feel unloved by my brother. I'm sad, angry, consumed. I believe she wanted nothing more than to get rid of us and she has. I believe she has convinced my brother that we are the problem, with no evidence but her constant manipulation and false interpretations. I am convinced that she felt she could not control my brother while we had a place in his life. I think I believe in "God's" plan. LIke a plan of the universe. I know I believe in karma. I know there is a reason for this. If I do keep my mouth shut and not call SIL's mom and SIL, it will be one of the greatest acts of self-control for me to date.
Thank you all sooo very much for your advise, suggestions, guidance, and just for seeming to care about the plight of a total stranger.
Margie
poster:Margie24
thread:509523
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050531/msgs/512389.html