Posted by Tamar on June 14, 2005, at 7:45:45
In reply to Re: Margie, Please Accept My Apologies, posted by Margie24 on June 14, 2005, at 0:04:54
Hello Margie,
I’ve been following your thread without really knowing what to say. It sounds as if you had a really hard time at the wedding. But congratulations to you on being able to act ‘as if’ and trying to support your brother as much as you could. It really sounds as if her family and your family are coming from very different backgrounds, with different ideas of what is acceptable social behaviour.
I don’t know if I can really fully understand how awful it is for you. There have been times when I’ve been hurt by an in-law’s actions, but it wasn’t as bad as the situation you’re describing. I do feel for you though.
I’d really like to encourage you to carry on trying to be the bigger person. I think since you feel so strongly about her, there’s no point trying to invite your SIL for lunch or anything like that. I really think the best course of action is to keep your distance, try not to contact her, and be polite even if she’s being rude. Her rudeness reflects on her, not on you.
I doubt she will change. And your brother will probably want to defend her as long as he feels you don’t like her.
You might want to try writing her a letter BUT DON’T SEND IT!!! At least if you are able to express all your feelings you might feel a bit better. Then just keep your letter in a drawer and read it whenever you feel the need to vent a bit.
The bottom line is that your brother has chosen to spend his life with her, and even if you don’t like her, nevertheless she is your brother’s wife. I’m sorry things are so hard for you. But I think the only course of action is to try to get along with her whenever you have to be with her, and try to avoid her the rest of the time. I imagine that the less you think about her, the better you will feel.
If you can aim for a point where you can roll your eyes and think, ‘dreadful woman’ instead of being consumed by anger at her shortcomings you will probably find it easier to deal with her.
I wish you luck. I don’t think it will be easy. But you have shown that you are willing to try to do the best for your brother, which is very much to your credit.
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:509523
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050531/msgs/512467.html