Posted by sunny10 on May 20, 2005, at 12:57:02
In reply to I am Amazed - Please forgive me Men, posted by AdaGrace on May 20, 2005, at 6:17:32
I know exactly how you feel.
My ex-husband is exactly that way. My SO has tendencies like that. To some extent, every man I know has had these tendencies to have to "be right" and in control.
It IS a good deal to do with how they were raised. Unfortunately, especially with women our age and older at least, girls were raised to take care of everyone and everything AND expected to have a career. But the boys were not raised to do anything but have a career. They were not expected to "care" (much less care-take)at all. Matter of fact, most were raised to believe that feelings were "feminine", thus unmanly.
We try to explain to them, now that we are all adults, that in the year 2005 we must all share the responsibilities around the house and within our relationships and they immediately think we are either crazy
(what are you talking about? I took out the garbage! Or, of course I love you, I married you, didn't I? Or, I live with you, don't I?)
or they laugh and tell us that they are "simple men and just don't worry about these things", so why do we worry about them if we want to be equal? (why can't you just live "in the moment" like we do?, they ask.) Because we're exhausted from doing all of the caretaking and tired of having no control over our own lives, that's why! And because the marriage/relationship/family would fall apart if NO ONE does the thinking about it and the caretaking...that's why we can't live in the moment like they do instead of expecting them to do their part.And there is one more thing that I do not understand. I know that men are not raised to "make themselves available to their loved ones", but what is the whole thing about them needing actual physical space that is only theirs? To go sit in to be by themselves? They already scratch themselves, pick their noses, ogle large-breasted women, stink up the room passing gas, and rearrange their packages in front of us... What the heck do they "need" this room for, exactly???
Can anyone answer this for me???
Maybe some of you men here in Babbleland who AREN'T like this, but know men that are... surely you guys understand each other better than us women do... I would hope... SOMEONE'S got to understand this stuff... Can you answer this one???
poster:sunny10
thread:500245
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050505/msgs/500359.html