Posted by lonelygal2 on February 6, 2005, at 22:47:02
In reply to wanting motherly love, posted by QuietHeart on February 4, 2005, at 19:47:28
i just saw this post and wanted to write and tell you that i feel exactly the same way, wanting a professional woman to mother me, and that you aren't alone, and thus should not feel like a freak... i'm also over-educated (in med school), and 24 and my relationship with my mother is very strained. now it's almost business-like, i don't open up to her b/c i never know what to expect, so in no way would i ever want to appear vulnerable with her. she's also not as educated as i am, so there is a huge barrier there too, and i feel like some conflicting feelings on her part of both pride and jealousy towards me. i have found in the past that when i try to open up to her i always get hurt, so our relationship has evolved into my always comforting her with her depression, etc, but my needs are never acknowledged or even discussed.
i would very much want a female mentor of mine to take care of me. i really feel like i need a 'mom' sometimes or i'm going to fall apart. a lot of times i do find surrogate moms, i think my old therapist turned into a mom-like figure for me although she was young herself, i dunno, i suppose i have tons of issues relating to my need to be nurtured. i feel unstable if it's just me on my own i guess. i wonder if this is how you feel too?> Ok, so hope this is the appropriate board, I think it is. My issue has to do with my tendency to motherize every professional woman I meet. Basically, I like my mom and everything but have had serious issues with her in the past, and deep down we are very different and don't have an affectionate relationship. I am pretty sure there were some early childhood bonding issues too, as in I felt rejected by her from an early age and didn't bond so well with her. Now, as an adult (I am 26) I am an established professional living away from her and have a decent relationship with her. I am very educated and she is not. We differ significantly along these lines.
> At this age, and perhaps because of my history, I CRAVE a mother figure and fantasize about some women in my life cuddling me, hugging me, being tender with me, just asking about my life, holding me while I cry. lately, it's been my boss and I am kind of obsessed. I want so bad for her to get close to me. I daydream about us being friends of sorts (but maybe mother and daughter in a way). Is this weird? I find I dream about this with so many professional accomplished women that come across my path. it makes me feel weird bc I almost want this kind of affection from a woman more than I want a relationship with a man. I know I am not gay though, I think I want to the tenderness and guidance. Help! I feel like a freak.
poster:lonelygal2
thread:453411
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20041223/msgs/454157.html