Posted by partlycloudy on September 29, 2004, at 18:21:37
In reply to Living in the basement, posted by Michael_M on September 29, 2004, at 16:20:40
Personally, I think I stayed w-a-y-y-y too long in a marriage gone bad, hoping it would turn around, or we were staying together for the right reasons, or "thru thick and thin" also meant being completely incompatible.
I also do not think that staying together for the sake of a child is a healthy thing to do if you aren't living as a couple. Although children are very adaptable, mixed messages are inevitable if both parties don't agree on parenting techniques (which is sometimes part of the problem...).
I had a straw that broke this camel's back. It appeared during a counselling session and I felt a huge relief in announcing that I was not willing to put any more effort into the marriage; and that my priority was now to save myself, my sanity, and my wellbeing.
Before that time I had started to separate our finances, putting aside enough to come up with first, last, and security for rent. Int he end, he decided that he couldn't afford to stay where we were, so I lent him that money to move out - which he paid back.
We had been married for 18 years. I consider that I gave the relationship more than enough opportunities for repair on both sides. I am happy to say that breaking free of that relationship was the first in many positive things I have done in the past 5 years.
Sometimes you don't have a final event that signals the end. Sometimes you just decide it for yourself - when your health and wellbeing are suffering because of staying where you are, and the relationship is irreparable, then it is time to go.
pc
poster:partlycloudy
thread:396925
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20040917/msgs/396971.html