Posted by Dinah on January 7, 2009, at 10:23:50
In reply to Re: New Year, New Rules, posted by Dinah on January 6, 2009, at 20:03:03
I think Daisy is absolutely right about the timeslot. And even if money wasn't a major factor, therapy is supposed to be a place where we can put our own needs first and not try to please others. (Though I certainly engage in therapist-pleasing behaviors at times.) Maybe she was trying to address the hurt part of what you said. That you had been asked to change your time slot to suit others (and had complied, again putting her needs ahead of your own), but that she didn't ask the same of others for you. She must have a lot of long term clients, also, if she wasn't able to get a free spot at a more congenial time in a year. Even so, she should have talked to you before asking someone else to switch their times. I don't think you're at all obligated.
As for fantasies... Well, I think being totally honest with ourselves (if not with them) about what we want is the first step to either achieving the goal or aiming for acceptance. Some of what you were talking about involved you rather than her. Visualizing in *detail* what you would like different helps break down the specifics of what needs to be done. Or in my case anyway, sometimes I realize that I don't really want that at all. I may want the ideal of it, or I may think I should want it, but in reality I don't want it at all. Which is sort of freeing.
I'm ok now with sharing those things with my therapist, but I think there was a time when I wasn't. He's gotten more transparent with me I think. Or maybe he was always more transparent, and I just didn't give him much of a chance to show me. So that sort of revelation often brings some realizations about what it feels like on his side of the room, or about his beliefs in general, or about his thoughts about me in specific. Or sometimes we just explore the fantasy together, which isn't as enlightening, but often makes me smile.
On the other hand, I spent all of a recent session talking about the various things I wanted to change. But when he told me to write them down, I hated it. Turning it into an assignment put up all my resistance where talking about it didn't. Maybe this is a bit like that?
poster:Dinah
thread:872528
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081219/msgs/872568.html