Posted by DAisym on January 7, 2009, at 1:12:54
In reply to Re: New Year, New Rules, posted by Dinah on January 6, 2009, at 20:03:03
I don't think that is a fair question, actually.
When we, as the client, wander out with our fantasies, usually our therapists employ some reality testing. But they still want us to say what we want and wish for..."I wish I knew if you missed me, I wish I knew what you REALLY thought of me, I wish I could read your mind, I wish I could hug you, I wish..." What happens if we do say it - do we get it? Does saying it out loud make us not want it anymore? I think we already know that they will accept what we say, commiserate about how hard the boundaries are, and let us know that it is OK to wish for stuff even if we don't ever get it. But sometimes I think we all get stuck - we don't really know what it is that is keeping us from talking.
And, if you could just say what is deep in your heart and come and go easily from therapy, would you likely need therapy? (Take what I'm saying with a grain of salt as I'm struggling with all these things myself.)
I sometimes think if we could talk about the issues in our life, instead of the therapy relationship, we could get close again. But it is awfully hard to talk about the issues when you don't feel close. Sort of a which comes first, chicken or egg? When I get really stuck, I bring in some of my written stuff.
I think the Tuesday issue is huge. It is an opportunity for you to practice a skill you both have been working on - doing what you need to for you, not for others. Even if someone is willing to switch, if it isn't the right time, then it is OK to turn it down. Why switch from one horrible slot to another? If you find that 2x isn't enough, you can go back up. It sounds like fear is keeping you from doing this - are you afraid you won't be her favorite if you don't see her as much? And if this is true, how is this connected to the issues you are working on. Sometimes a switch like this is enough to really get things moving in therapy again. You are so accommodating that often your needs aren't taken seriously. Did your therapist think you were just threatening to cut back but not really meaning it? And why would she think you'd throw that out there if you didn't mean it? Can she explain to you how you have been communicating this need for over a year, but in such a way that she felt free to ignore it? It will probably be a difficult conversation but I think a helpful one.
I can see why you feel done with therapy. I think often when we are pretty capable in many parts of our lives, sometimes therapy seems to just keep open a painful wound. But even as I struggle, I think that if we don't heal the wound, it will open up again at some later point in life. And maybe that's OK. But would you really want to start again?
poster:DAisym
thread:872528
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081219/msgs/872555.html