Posted by DAisym on December 21, 2008, at 14:15:28
In reply to Re: Gifts, posted by Phillipa on December 21, 2008, at 13:18:48
Sometimes I think therapists who are really new tend to be more rigid. And I think therapist who were trained to believe that every act from the patient is an attempt at gratification are also rigid. Contemporary thought lies more in the middle, that everything should be talked about but allowing the patient to be human and to give back, can contribute positively to the therapy. I'm guessing that a therapist's own personal experience influences their decisions a lot in this realm. If she'd ever attempted something special with her own therapist, she would have appreciated the risk and the enormity of the rejection.
All that said, therapists are human and do make mistakes. We've all been less than gracious at times of surprise. But I think because you felt so much shame, and still do, it would be worth clearing the air around this. You can't feel worse - and you'd understand her better. It reminds me of the story in "In Session" of the woman who took her therapist all the roses - the surprise of it, but then what they did with it.
I think you have a natural opening too - "Shopping for gifts always makes me think of the time I brought you the cake as the gift. I've been wanting to tell you that I was really hurt by how you handled it and ashamed. And you never even asked me to talk about what I was thinking - which is unlike you. I'd like to know what you were thinking."
I hope she is willing to talk about it with you.
Good luck - Daisy
poster:DAisym
thread:869968
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081219/msgs/870086.html