Posted by vwoolf on December 21, 2008, at 0:29:27
Ok, this is not about Christmas gifts, but just general gifts. And it happened about three years ago, and I've been smarting ever since.
It was the fourth anniversary of my being in therapy with my T. Perhaps motivated by posts here, perhaps just as a desire to acknowledge the years working together, I made a cake and brought it to my session. She looked tense and asked me to explain what it meant. I told her I wanted to share it with her - that it was not a gift, but something for both of us. To acknowledge our relationship.
She took it through to the kitchen and came back later with half of it wrapped up for me to take away. She had left her half in the kitchen to share with her colleagues. This was what she considered sharing.
I felt hurt, as if she had smacked me. I never mentioned it to her it again, nor did I speak to anyone else about it. I threw away my half of the cake when I got home, and I have never baked a cake since then. It still feels sore today. I understand now that her intention was to prevent me moving into the concrete realm of sharing, it was her way of forcing me to stay with the symbolic.
I have stayed on in therapy with her, and have made enormous progress.
But that feels like it was a mistake on her part, even though I understand the intentions. At some point I will have to tell her so. I suppose therapists can also make mistakes. Sometimes they go too much by the book, which says that they may not accept gifts from clients. Sometimes they can be hurtful.
Im not sure quite what Im saying, except that I have felt ashamed about it ever since then. I wonder what she could have done differently.
poster:vwoolf
thread:869968
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081219/msgs/869968.html