Posted by Dinah on December 4, 2008, at 9:18:42
In reply to **Triggering** weekend...., posted by B2chica on December 4, 2008, at 8:23:46
There's no need to feel ashamed. I know there are couples where it's ok to make sexual overtures at night, but it's not ok in other couples. The link to his outburst about money is so clear that that would be another case of pressuring you to do something or punishing you for not performing.
I'm very sensitive myself to issues of control and force in sexuality. Is it possible to discuss this with him when the iron is cool? Make sure he understands it isn't a rejection of him, but that it brings feelings that you can't totally control, and that you'd prefer your sexual feelings for him didn't have to get confused with old feelings?
Am I remembering right that he's been having difficulty with sex because of pregnancy fears? That might make him feel even more vulnerable.
I'm not excusing him and I'm not in any way criticizing you. I'm with you on this. Sexual advances when I'm asleep are *not* ok with me. They may be ok with some couples, and that's wonderful. But in a marriage, couples should be respectful of that sort of thing. Maybe he needs reminding?
Sex is one of those issues that is hard to talk about, and where we make tons of assumptions to fill in the blanks. It's been really helpful in my marriage to talk about things that to me should have been self evident, in a calm and respectful way. And to listen too, of course.
It's always hard for me to bring up self injury with my therapist. I always am afraid he'll be angry or disappointed. So I always make sure I do talk about it. And he tries to make sure that I feel safe doing it. I hope you bring it up with your therapist and pdoc. I've found as needed meds very helpful in this type of situation.
poster:Dinah
thread:866613
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081120/msgs/866623.html