Posted by rskontos on October 20, 2008, at 21:05:22
In reply to Re: Just out of sorts, can't understand it » rskontos, posted by lucie lu on October 20, 2008, at 18:40:19
Thanks Lucie,
It is funny I have shared with him some of the abuse my mother heaped on me. You see, some history, I went to this pdoc in crisis. He is retired mostly and only takes a few clients here and there. Why he took me I don''t know , he almost referred me to someone else. It took me an 1 hour and 45 minutes to drive to his office and he is actually only 15 minutes from my house. Long story. Anyway, I ask him sometimes if he regrets it and he of course says no.
So I have disclosed some. But the actually nitty gritty, I don't have. I have physical memories. My body will have flashbacks and I have flashbacks of faces but that is it. It is enough I have gotten past have panic attacks when these flashbacks happen.
my real fear is that underneath all this there is more down there that needs to come out and that is the really scary stuff. Not that my mother's cruelty wasn't bad enough it was, and my father's lack of loving us as children is bad enough, and my mother's parade of lovers she took us with her to visit, that all was bad enough. But I am really afraid there is something more. My flashbacks had a quality to them that frightened me. I am scared if I go deeper with him I will get to that point of uncovering it. I am not sure that i need to do that. My brain at this point isn't sharing yet just glimmers when I sleep and during flashbacks. I used to open my mind to these flashbacks I don't now yet they slip in. I am tired of the faces of people I don't know that I know hurt me. So I have done all I can to try and keep it back. That isn't good is it?
I just don't know. I don't know if I am not venturing down a slippery slope.
Am I making any sense?
thanks for listening.
rsk
poster:rskontos
thread:858429
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081018/msgs/858510.html