Posted by rskontos on October 10, 2008, at 12:49:40
In reply to Re: More (long) **Trigger** » rskontos, posted by antigua3 on October 9, 2008, at 23:45:22
Antigua,
I do understand completely how you feel. I sometimes feel that way and go back and forth between feeling like I will ever feel differently than I do at the present. I feel like I will be the way I am now always and I am not sure that my p-doc can fix me. I think he too finds me a challenge and wants to fix me. I used the money card to end therapy. He went one up on me to say well ok, no money now you can't quit. So if I end therapy I must do it via a different means. I told him I felt I was just going to be this way. I can't get to the deeper inner isssues either. I know things were bad, I know the surface bad things but not the nightmare itself. I dissociated too badly and have no memories left of my own. I have physical memories but no visual if that makes sense. I started having flashbacks, got scared to the depths of my soul and they have the flashbacks have scaled back with meds.
So I completely understand. I often just babble with p-doc to avoid. So if he wants to waste his time, fine by me.
So when I say we worked it out we have to some extent to some extent I just babble.
I understand the rebirth remark of his. Maybe not sure I agree but I guess I get what they mean.
Maybe it is not possible or even necessary for those feelings to come out. Maybe they are too buried. I do understand not chasing them. I am trying to live a life outside of therapy.
Good luck with your decision. Take care of yourself.
You deserve peace.
rsk
poster:rskontos
thread:856481
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081005/msgs/856744.html