Posted by lucie lu on October 6, 2008, at 22:45:56
In reply to Mutual attraction, posted by Suedehead on October 6, 2008, at 18:53:35
Suede,
It would make me nervous for the same reasons JayJ cites. Therapy should be a place of absolute, rock-steady safety, with a complete focus on you. There are more dangers than the obvious slippery slope. They may not lead to anything he would get "disbarred" for, but could still be bad for you and your therapy. It does introduce an element of risk which really shouldn't be there. The idea of therapy resting on a "fine line" really just doesn't sound very reassuring to me. Therapy should rest on a nice, broad, solid base, not a thin line between workable and disaster.
I can believe that your T feels he can handle it. As for whether it will really help your therapy, that is just his feeling and even though it may be based on his experience, you still should question it. It's your therapy. If it fails, you will be the one who loses, money, time, and who knows what emotionally. The course of therapy can, and often is, unpredictable. That can be safely accommodated in a well-boundaried relationship. That margin of safety all but disappears in the situation you describe.
I do agree with the statement in Seldom's post that attraction (along with a lot of other strong feelings) can simply just "be" in the room. But I just get the sense from your post that already there is a charged atmosphere, which suggests that as JayMac says, the therapy space is already becoming sexualized. I personally think that it is very challenging to be candid and honest in therapy, and I can't imagine an atmosphere of mutual attraction making that any easier, especially for sensitive topics. And those are often the ones we most need to talk about.
I do not believe that it is always wrong for a T to admit attraction. There are undoubtedly cases where this is the right thing to do. Seldom suggests that it worked for her. But I do think that in the vast majority of cases, it introduces hazards into therapy that just are not meant to be there.
The asymmetry of the therapeutic relationship is inescapable. If your T is attracted to you, that means a great deal because he assumes such importance in your life. If you are attracted to him, well, not sure how to say this but, attraction could feature similarly in at least some of his other therapeutic relationships. So that same mutual attraction just can't mean the same thing to both of you, which is going to be tougher for you to deal with than him. Much tougher, if you've been reading recently posted threads here on Babble.
In any case, I would STRONGLY urge you to get consultation ASAP, before things go much further. You probably would want to go by yourself to talk about the situation and your feelings to a consulting therapist. But your T should be willing, under the circumstances, to get consultation himself and let you know that he did. If he is a responsible T, he will make sure he gets some supervision of your case - it's in his best interests as well. ALL of the sources that talk about this subject warn that secrecy or unwillingness to talk about the situation to colleagues is a strong signal that something is wrong. He should not be doing anything in your therapy that he is uncomfortable to disclose to his colleagues.
Hope this helps.
Lucie
poster:lucie lu
thread:856082
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081005/msgs/856129.html