Posted by Wittgensteinz on September 16, 2008, at 15:20:00
In reply to I cannot tell my T, posted by lucie lu on September 15, 2008, at 23:22:01
Lucie Lu,
I've found this is a VERY difficult area to work through in therapy (and I'm no where finished with this topic, just have talked a bit on it and then left it), it requires so much courage, pushing through the shame and embarrassment this topic inevitably brings. Actually, I've found these sessions exhausting.
You wrote,
When do you consider things that are "just there" as problems and when do you just suck it up as part of your past and live with it?This thing is an essential part of you - your sexuality, how you feel about sex - it shouldn't be something to just 'suck up' - a person's sexuality is a fundamental part of their being. The idea of talking it out with your T is probably daunting/overwhelming but you can do it - just allow yourself to take small risks, then say a little more when you're ready to.
I was quite a coward, I've written things down and taken them with me, he's then given me the choice of my reading them aloud or him reading them (eeks!) - I chose the former, at least then I could bury my face in a piece of paper and edit as a read - although I owned up to doing that when I let him read it later. It was very hard daring to make eye contact again with him before the end of the session. Humour does help. Then, in the sessions that followed, I was able to talk 'ad lib' and voice words I didn't think I could have in front of him. This is part of being human - T's are human too - this isn't so strange for them. I was also terririfed my T would think differently about me, in a negative away, especially when I shared my feelings toward him - he is an 'old man', older than my father (!), and I am a young woman yet still at a certain point I couldn't deny having certain sexual feelings for him (talk about uncomfortable).
I don't know if it would have been easier with a female T. I doubt I could feel the same trust for a woman. I think I was very much in your frame of mind about the whole thing - just suck it up, it isn't going to help or change. I feel it has helped though talking it through. I had an abusive relationship a few years back which has had a big impact on me and my ability to be intimate with my partner - then add in various things growing up (abuse, physically absent father), and what seems like 'nothing' becomes an intricate and complex issue that needs to be processed. I have to do lots more work on this, kind of putting it off though :)
Maybe the first step is to talk about your apprehension about broaching the topic - share with your T some of the thoughts you voiced here on Babble.
Witti
poster:Wittgensteinz
thread:852215
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080906/msgs/852319.html