Posted by Daisym on September 16, 2008, at 10:20:06
In reply to Re: I cannot tell my T, posted by sassyfrancesca on September 16, 2008, at 8:59:08
(((Lucy))))
There is so much pain in what you wrote - I don't think this is something you have to just "suck up and live with." As you examine your feelings, can you start with trying to understand why there is so much shame in talking about this?
The foundation of trust you've already built with your therapist will hold. No matter what you tell him, he knows who you really are. You might surprise him - including your reluctance to talk about something that is so important. I think one of the reasons sex is a difficult topic in therapy (more so than others) because most of the time when we talk about sex with girlfriends, etc. we are all sharing. And we don't usually go into all the details, which can happen in therapy. Some people have said that it is easier to talk to a female therapist about sex, but I think for me, it would be equally difficult. A sense of humor helps a lot.
As I've sorted through how my past has effected my sex life, I've figured out a couple of things. Sometimes it is hard because I have old fears that my therapist will hurt me, sexually, because he knows the vulnerable spots. Of course he never would - and I know that with one part of me - but the fear remains. I've worried about turning him on too - and then how would be deal with that? This circles back into my fear of turning men into sexual monsters.
And then there is the whole "strong, smart woman" thing. I should know all of this - I can't even begin to tell you how humiliated I was to admit that I didn't know how to say "no" to my husband when he wanted to do stuff I didn't. I thought I had to. I was mortified that I would feel young and small and cry over things that were so normal for adults. It took a long time for me to come to terms that I was in an abusive marriage. Sexually and emotionally abusive.
But as we've had these conversations more and more, I've learned how to talk about things. Sometimes it is easier than others. I still find it hard to talk about my own desires and what I might find pleasurable. Or what I have found pleasurable and why. But these are important things to figure out and usually I end up feeling closer to my therapist.
I hope you can figure out a way to bring it up. It sounds so important.
poster:Daisym
thread:852215
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080906/msgs/852266.html