Posted by Dinah on April 26, 2008, at 16:00:57
I generally think that there's nothing that enters my head that doesn't eventually make it into the therapy room.
But I was rather surprised to discover that the other day was the first time I'd really told him that his picking and grooming behaviors distracted me from therapy (and sometimes send shivers up my spine in an unpleasant sort of way). So I realized that I do in fact have the usual social politeness things that I keep from him. Things that don't really have anything to do with my therapy, and that I really see no benefit and only harm to letting spill from my mouth.
I'd just as soon he kept that sort of thought about me to himself as well. The other day I made a joke about my looks and weight and he laughed and enjoyed it for a few seconds before he recovered his therapeutic stance and suggested that it wasn't really a healthy way to refer to myself. :) I kind of liked that. That he virtually admitted the truth of what I was saying, and didn't try to cover it up with false cheeriness and meaningless protests. But I'm not sure I'd like as much for him to spill those things out himself.
I of course have been honest with him that if he ever makes it necessary for me to lie to avoid termination, that I'd lie with no compunction at all. I'd consider it the same as coercion. And I thank him for never making that necessary. I don't think he likes that, but he accepts that it isn't unreasonable. And he also knows how I feel about his using our relationship as leverage in an abusive way. Of course he uses our relationship as leverage for change in a more subtle way.
I think at first I didn't quite lie to him, but didn't necessarily tell the truth unless he asked directly. And my embarrassing truths aren't really anything anyone would think of asking directly. :) But now I'm more scrupulous.
What do you all feel about lies in therapy? Are little polite lies ok? Or even necessary? Is telling the truth a function of the period of time we see a therapist and the trust we feel?
And does there ever come a time when even every single thing is known and is greeted with familiarity?
poster:Dinah
thread:825609
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080423/msgs/825609.html