Posted by vwoolf on April 26, 2008, at 17:00:17
In reply to Is there anything you don't say to your therapist?, posted by Dinah on April 26, 2008, at 16:00:57
Yes, there are a few things I can't talk about, even after many years of therapy in which I have talked about everything.
One is about something I did to my son years ago. I don't know why I can't talk about it. I have told her far worse things. Far worse! This one is just sort of iffy - well, maybe more than iffy but not as bad as others, in my opinion, and probably in the eyes of most people. And every time she asks me why my son would be angry with me I think of this episode and find it impossible to speak. Hmmm.
The other is about my sexual feelings towards her. Yes, I have told her about them, and she sort of yawned and said that's normal, and looked vaguely irritated. So I haven't spoken of them again.
And also about some CSI stuff that I remember but don't want to talk about. Details really, she knows the main facts. But I feel so much shame about the details.
And my fears of termination are the other great terror. We do talk about them, but it's always as if there is a layer, a depth, that I do not reach.
In fact that's the real issue here. That on these difficult topics I stay on quite a superficial level, so she knows a bit but not all.
For the rest she knows everything. Sort of. I often feign ignorance of psychological matters and refuse to use any jargon, even though she knows that I have read extensively in the field and have degrees in psychology. I often feel like a child who knows more than she should about adult matters, and so feigns innocence. Hmmm. Says a lot about me as a child I guess.
poster:vwoolf
thread:825609
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080423/msgs/825617.html